True

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but no one wants to go right now.

Kenny Chesney video.

Parents And Art Linkletter Are Not Surprised

From Nothing To See Here, Move Along:

Laughed my ass off at this one.

Let Me Count The Ways

This oughta piss off everybody.

If you're anti-gun, then "OMG! IT'S A GUN!"
If you're conservative, then "That's shameful!"
If you're a collector, then "She'll ruin the finish on that fine piece."
If you're a gun owner, then "She shouldn't have her finger on the trigger."

Dammit, that's an animated gif. Blogger must not like those or something.

Interesting To Some, But Probably Not Very

Like a few in the comments though, I call BS. There's no way this is exhaustive.

The 10 Biggest Databases in the World.

Sample? Sure:

It is estimated that the text portion of the Library of Congress would comprise 20 terabytes of data. The LC expands at a rate of 10,000 items per day and takes up close to 530 miles of shelf space...

The Library of Congress is number 10 on their list.

Europa Film Treasures

An amazing resource. I've spent some time just exploring Europe's cinematic history, enjoying the online archives.

Thanks to Bayou Renaissance Man for pointing this one out.

Quickie Review: Spider Baby

Recipe for a classic: Take a house full of odd and mentally deteriorating children, overseen by their devoted chauffeur (played by Lon Chaney Jr). Add distant relatives, including a money-grubbing bitch-queen with plans to take over the whole estate. Mix in plenty of offbeat humor and outstanding performances from all of the actors, and you have one helluva lot of creepy fun.

Spider Baby: Highly recommended.

Quote of the Whenever I Feel Like It

Andrew Breitbart in the Washington Times:

We are a trust-fund nation (picture Tori Spelling in the Lifetime Channel role of her career) whose BMW has run out of gas in the middle of the Mojave Desert after a pointless 115-miles-per-hour joy ride. The credit cards are maxed out. We're out of cell phone range. And dad, who just got taken by Uncle Bernie Madoff, wouldn't take the call anyway.

Somebody Loves Me

Imagine my surprise yesterday when the mailman brought me an unexpected batch of goodies. And by goodies I mean free movies to review.

Thank you Wild Eye Cinema*. Reviews will be posted upon my unsuspecting visitors in due time. Muahahhahhahahahahaha.

I've reviewed Wild Eye Cinema releases before: Crawlspace and The Devil's Daughter. Worth revisiting.

Kelly Kettle

These are probably too heavy for backpacking, but would be good for canoe or car camping. I'm also considering getting one for the house for emergency use. Being able to boil water quickly and easily is a good thing when your water supply is suspect or the electricity is out.

The idea is simple: the kettle is a hollow cylinder that you put over an enclosed fire. All of the heat rises through the inside of the cylinder, quickly boiling water inside the cylinder.

How quickly? In this video, the lady goes from zero fire to boiling water in about three and a half minutes, and she starts the fire with a firesteel because a lighter or matches would be "cheating".



Very cool. Practical and useful too.

Bahhh-Studs

Better Than A Pocket Boy Scout

Eric, the human Swiss Army Knife.

It's Movie Review Time: Late Bloomer

Dang, I can hear the huzzahs and fist-bumping from here.

Late Bloomer (2007) Japanese with English subtitles.

Sumida is a moderately disabled man living in modern Japan. He can walk a little, but mostly gets around in a motorized wheelchair. He doesn't speak, instead he communicates with gestures and uses an electronic device that speaks when he punches in strings of sylables. He works at a center for the disabled, teaching others how to adapt their lives to their disabilities. He smiles a lot and is well liked. It's remarkable how well he's adjusted to life and how natural people act and react around him.

In many ways, Sumida's life is just like yours and mine. He goes out with friends, he drinks beer and sometimes gets drunk, he watches porn when the mood strikes. He has someone who looks after him and takes care of him. Instead of a girlfriend or wife, Sumida relies on professional caregivers who come and cook and clean for him. They're more like friends and companions than hired help.

So far, Late Bloomer sounds more like a documentary than a thriller. Then, with subtle hints and a quiet word or two, the idea is placed in your mind that despite his good nature, behind the ever present smile, nobody really knows what goes on in Sumida's mind. The idea grows and you start to suspect darker motivations, and formerly normal actions now appear sinister.

This uncertainty colors the movie right to the ending credits. It's uncomfortable because you never really learn the why behind the events. Has Sumida always been capable of murder, or is it that you now know him well enough to read the tiny signs that have always been there?

Late Bloomer is filmed in black and white, making extensive use of a hand held camera. Everything about this movie - editing, special effects, musical score, shot selection and angle - is designed to keep you off balance and uncertain. The movie is closer to avant garde than classic cinema.

This flick is not for everybody. I can't even say that I enjoyed it, but my mind keeps returning to it, gnawing over scenes and details. For movie buffs and fans of the road less travelled, I recommend it. You might not like it, but you'll remember it.

Like An Old Joke

What do you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

From Jawa Report.

Wind-power has demonstrated some unexpected and serious drawbacks. Micro-climate changes directly downwind cause localized drought conditions, and everyone knows about the birds that die when they get whacked by a turbine blade.

Now there's a new unintended victim:

Bats, like other mammals, have delicate alveoli in their lungs. The thin membranes can't withstand extreme pressure changes, and suffer from "barotrauma," like scuba divers' ears and lungs when they go deep under water without equalizing properly.

Ninety percent of the bats that researchers at the University of Calgary found under turbines had died of internal hemorrhaging, not from collision with the blades. In fact, only fifty percent of the bats showed signs of impact.

There ain't no such thing as a free lunch. Despite claims that wind-power is *free* and has limited impact on the environment, it just isn't so. Once again, mankind will have to make the decision about what kind of changes they're willing to accept as the price of adopting new technology.

The more things change...

I Love The Smell Of APCP In The Morning

The subject line of the email says it all: VICTORY.

Several years ago, the two main rocketry organizations in the US sued the BATFE (Bureau of Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives) over their decision to classify APCP-based rocket motors as explosives.

From the email:

The BATFE regulation of APCP was found by Judge Walton to be ".. arbitrary and capricious, an abuse of discretion, or otherwise not in accordance with the law." and has been ordered by the Court to be "vacated" or canceled.

I'm doing the happy dance. Now we'll see what kind of underhanded bullshit the BATFE will try now that they've been properly slapped down.

"Angered" Is A Word You Use When You're Too Diplomatic To Say "Cocksucker"

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

"Shinseki" must be Japanese for "Cocksucker"

Realistically, this one has zero chance of actually happening.

Veterans Affairs Secretary Eric Shinseki confirmed Tuesday that the Obama administration is considering a controversial plan to make veterans pay for treatment of service-related injuries with private insurance.

But for even considering it, Shinseki earns a title that I seldom use.

My blood pressure says "thanks, heaps" to Hot Air for pointing this one out.

WWII History - Up Close and Personal

Over at Bayou Reniasscence Man, there's a wonderful series called Weekend Wings. The latest installment revisits an old post he did about the allied bombing raids against the Japanese refineries in Balikpapan (then Dutch East Indies, now Indonesia). Besides being an amazing story in and of itself, he's now gotten permission to post a personal journal entry written by one of the pilots who flew the raid!

Well worth following these links.

Saying Thanks

To baseball pitcher Barry Zito, to the fans at the Glendale stadium, but mostly to the members of our military.

Read the story. It's a good one.

Hit 'Em (Back) Right In The Wallet

Over at Q&O they've floated an idea that seems to be catching on.

The idea is simple. On April 15th, up your W-4 deductions so that only about 90% of your expected tax bill for next year is withheld. Take the extra money in your paycheck and put it into savings or invest it. Next year, pay what you owe on April 14th.

What does this accomplish? Well, it means Uncle Sam doesn't get your extra money to play with for free for the year, and won't get it until the last minute next year. Individually, the amount may be small, but if enough people do it, it'll be noticed.

I don't need the government to tell me how best to use my money.

Hypothetical

I don't blog much about work, and this isn't about work today. Really.

If you're going to chew me out for something that happened years ago and claim it's my fault for not noticing a problem that nobody ever complained about,

and,

if you're going to chew me out again (in an unrelated matter) because I didn't account for something I knew nothing about and nobody bothered to tell me (and I checked my job description, "ESP" isn't mentioned at all),

then,

don't act surprised when I jump right back at you and defend myself. Twice. Hypothetically.

New Experience

I poured two homemade votive candles this morning. Sweet Pea scented. Liz loves candles and we burn them quite often, both for the scent and for the ambiance. Store-bought candles are expensive though, and lately the ones in the discounted and clearance sections (translation: affordable) have been remarkably bad when it comes to smell. Some of the new designer scents should be collectively named "gym sock".

We researched the idea of making our own, and it turns out to be cost-effective and simple. Assuming, of course, that you don't want to get too fancy with them, and we don't. Simple votives and small pillar candles, maybe some container versions in the future after we get our feet waxed (to mangle a metaphore).

To get started, we bought 10lbs of wax, a scent sampler (10 of our choice, plus a bonus they threw in), a wick sampler, a few bottles of wax dye, a pour pitcher, three votive molds and two pillar molds. Less than a hundred dollars, and a big percentage of that was shipping. Based on what I used this morning on two simple votives, I should be able to make some 100 small ones or 30 larger candles from our starter supplies. The only thing we'll need to replenish then is wicks, more colors if we want, wax (about a buck a pound) and more molds if we want more variety. The big advantage I see is that these aren't something you go through quickly, so it's not like we're going to be making candles constantly to replace what's already gone.

I think I'm going to enjoy this.

Correlation

Over at Western Rifle Shooters, they've linked to an eerily-familiar list of the goals of the American Communist Party, which closely matches up with the stimulus package and other initiatives of the new regime. Frightening.

Related: Stephen over at Hold the Mayo has been on fire lately. Head over there and check out his site. If you're a capitalist (or just want to piss off a socialist), pick up one of his great Bill of Rights t-shirts, and the new "Socialism Sucks" shirt is a winner too.

Investment Spam

Not quite what you think.


That blue line at the bottom represents consumer confidence. The details are here: Gold, Guns & Spam. Highly recommended.

Cheer Up

A song that always lifts my spirits.



It's hard to be an optimist sometimes, but when it's hard, that's when it's most needed.

Something To Look Forward To

The cinema fairy has been very very good to me lately. Besides the two-disk special editions of Death Proof (yay Kurt Russell!) and Planet Terror (the original two parts to the 2007 Tarantino/Rodriguez release Grindhouse), I've also picked up a Joe Sarno double feature (courtesy of the always appropriately named Something Weird Video), a like-new copy of the somewhat hard-to-find Lust For A Vampire (second part of Hammer's Carmilla trilogy), Creature from the Hillbilly Lagoon (do I really need to explain?) and one to be reviewed for sure: Late Bloomer - Japanese horror. Thought you were gonna get another parenthetical clause there, dint'ja?

A Day At The Smithsonian

Mookie and I went to the Smithsonian Museums today. She had a few specific exhibits that she wanted to see, so we did.

First up was the Museum of American History. They have an exhibit on First Lady Fashions, including several gowns and outfits worn by various First Ladies over the years. I really enjoy listening to Rachael talk about a subject that she loves, and at one point we were overtaken by a guided tour. About half of the people taking the tour were listening to Rachael talking to me rather than the tour guide. They got a complete explanation of late victorian dressmaking techniques, including the tidbit that the hoop skirts and trains were in style to show off that one was wealthy enough to afford that much extra fabric.

After that we visited the Star Spangled Banner. The original flag that flew over Fort McHenry has been restored and is on display. I identified a Congreve Rocket (of the "red glare" kind), and they had a big iron fragment from one of the bombshells fired by the British that night.

Next up was the Natural History Museum. A leisurely stroll through the Oceans and Mineral exhibits (missed the Hope Diamond though), the Insect Zoo and Reptile section, and we finally got to the Western Culture exhibit (Origins of...).

Finally we headed across the Mall to the Hirshhorn Sculpture Garden. It was chilly but we enjoyed it, tagging several "wtf" sculptures with new names as they struck us. My favorite was "Deboned Chicken".

Before we headed back to the metro, we walked around the building to see "Crouching Spider". Whoah. I do believe that I could spend a day doing nothing but watching people's reactions as they come across this 9 foot tall spider-ish figure. Amazing piece of artwork, and I'm sad that it will only be displayed until March before being returned to the museum that owns it.

We're home now, planning on a pot of homemade soup for dinner and wondering how much snow tonight's storm is gonna dump on us.

Seems Plausible

A new element has been discovered:
Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from four days to four years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2- 6 years; It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

I've Eaten Vegemite, So You Can Trust Me On This

That Kentucky Jelly is nasty stuff on a peanut butter sandwich.

Misleading

I'm sorry, but if your product is found in a public restroom and goes by the brand name of "Life Guard", then it better be an air mask filter and not some lame tissue paper seat cover.

Resurrected Rocket Goodies

A long long long long time ago, I linked to Ray Dunakin's site. Ray builds camera rockets, then launches them in the California desert to produce some wonderful and beautiful photos. Aerial photos of interesting topography and old ghost towns. You really should go see them. Most of his photos are available for sale too.

Check out his new place.

Another cool pointer from Dick's Rocketry Dungeon.

Not What You're Afraid Of

If you're thinking that the new administration has come up with yet another cost saving measure for our military, by deciding to combine all the planes in a squadron into one big one.

More monstrous aviation pictures can be found here.

Thanks to Dick's Rocket Dungeon for the pointer.

Truth Is Always Weirder Than Fiction

Imagine, a fish with tubular eyes. Great to collect available light, which is perfect for a deep-sea dweller. Problem is, tubular eyes are extremely limited in field of view. So this critter, the barreleye, must be effectively blind, right?

Not if scientists discover that the eyes can be rotated and the fish has evolved a transparent head.

A Pyromaniac's Dream

We bought our season ticket package to the Potomac Nationals (minor league baseball, single A), and this year's plan includes about 90% of the games that have fireworks. Cool.

For LeeAnn*

Boris creeped her out. Maybe she likes clowns.

*She doesn't capitalize her name that I can recall, so I'm being creative. If I'm wrong, it's with good intentions.

Since Nobody Does The NY Times Crossword Anymore

Enjoy.

*wiping tears from my eyes*

Funniest Prank Call Ever.

Thanks to a commenter over at LeeAnn's for the pointer. Yes, I'm too lazy to go digging for exactly which commenter.

T-Shirt Idea

_I HOPE _{Dubya
knew what he was doing,
cuz Obama ain't gonna}
CHANGE
_{a thing!}

WWBOD?

Rendition... China... Enemy Combatants... Afghanistan... Iraq... NAFTA...

Apparently the answer to "What would Barack Obama do?" is usually, "what Bush did."

Heh.

Seattle to Honolulu

With Google Maps, you can get anywhere!

Shiny!

I love Sharpie pens. Between my Fisher Space Pen and my Sharpie, I can write damn near anywhere at any time. And now, the Sharpie is about to get even better. Stainless Steel case, refillable cartridge... Ooooooooo.

Schoolhouse Shock

The classic "I'm Just A Bill", updated for how it works today.

Thanks to Hot Air for the pointer.

Typical Letdown

I am talking, of course, about a Stephen King story. Damn near any one of 'em. Starts off gangbusters, grips you with icy fingers right until the end, where it's "huh?" time. The man cannot finish a story, and that makes me sad. Especially when the story gets translated into a movie, piling extra fail on top of the original dead end finish.

Over the weekend, I watched "It". After all of the build up, all of the evil, all of the supernatural, we are presented with the ultimate horror.

A giant spider. *yawn*

This creature has murdered hundreds, if not thousands over the centuries that it preyed upon the area. It can alter reality, manipulate matter, make your worst nightmares come to life, and then...

...four middle aged members of the prozac club shoot it (once!) with a slingshot, run up to it and push it over and then use their hands to rip its heart out (done in shadowy pantomime theater, ferChrist'ssake!).

Why do I do this to myself?

That Crazy Cal

Over at Q&O, they've posted a couple of anecdotes about "Silent Cal" Coolidge. Most of you have already heard the one about the dinner conversation about more than two words. If not, follow that link and enjoy.

This one, though, I'd never heard.

President Coolidge and the First Lady were visiting a large chicken farming operation, and were being taken on separate tours. In the breeding area, the manager mentioned that each rooster was used to service a hen several times a day. The First Lady told the manager to please tell that to President Coolidge.

The manager did so. President Coolidge replied “Same hen every time?” The manager said, “No, different hen every time.” Coolidge then said “Make sure you tell that to Mrs. Coolidge.”

Made me chuckle, it did.

Cinematic Musings (updated)

People at work and here on Rocket Jones often wonder how I can watch the kind of movies I do. Naturally, tastes differ and I do truly love the oldies and B-grade stinkers. Even so, there are times when I must watch something "mainstream" (or at least closer to). For every few films like Satanico Pandemonium or Virgin Among the Living Dead, I also watch a movie like Hatari or Zulu.

Tonight I have a stack of movies to choose from. In that stack are Bare Behind Bars, House II, Fulci's Zombie, Steven King's It and 300. Decisions, decisions.

Update: I started with 300 last night. I'd seen it before and enjoyed it again. Then I started Bare Behind Bars, but fell asleep halfway through. I'll finish that one tonight. This morning I watched House II, another one I'd seen before. Good fun.

Update again: Fulci's Zombie. Zombie vs. Shark. 'Nuff said.

Mental Note

If you're going to go to the trouble of toasting slivered almonds to top your chicken and apple curry, you shouldn't forget to actually use them.

Then again, it was kind of a nice surprise to find them while I was cleaning the kitchen after dinner. Yum.

Happy Valentine's Day

Spread it around a little, will ya?

More wonderfulness can be found here, and it's not just for your valentine.

New Banner (if I still had rotating banners)

From the Bus Slogan Generator.



Thanks to the Flea for the pointer.

*gulp*

Thanks (I think) to Zoe Brain for pointing out this little gem (empahasis mine):

A supercomputer capable of running a software simulation of the human brain doesn't exist yet. Researchers would require at least a machine with a computational capacity of 36.8 petaflops and a memory capacity of 3.2 petabytes -- a scale that supercomputer technology isn't expected to hit for at least three years.

Leave your own politician joke in the comments.

Shrine of the Mall Ninja

This link leads to one of the funniest things I've read in a long, long time, The Shrine of the Mall Ninja. Here's a little setup for you:

This is a collection of the wisdom posted on the internet by a guy calling himself Gecko45. It all started back at the end of the halcyon summer of 2001, and his posts have created a certain urban legend that many refer to as the Mall Ninja.

Gecko45 lived in the exciting and dangerous world of Mall Security.

As I said, my orders go far and while my reasons for protecting this mall remain a matter of national security, if the above does not convince you that I am employed in a capacity that goes above and beyond halting shoplifters, nothing will.

Later in the exchange, as Gecko45 deals with people doubting the veracity of his claims, he gains an ally. What's that they say about "with friends like this...?"

There are many stories like yours, I have personally saved the ass-virginity of several young boys in my days. But there are many brave men like myself out there who risk their lives daily, so that boys like yourself can live a normal heterosexual life.

Please do yourself a favor and click that link. It'll take a little while to read through everything, but it is falling down funny. One more tidbit to tempt you:

But then again I think of the mayors nephew, his face distored with tears and terror, the GAP employees who asked for my autograph, and had to settle for a cover identity’s signature, the flashbangs, and their acrid scent, the small of napalm in the evening breeze, as I crouch behind a shopping cart in the parking lot...

Pure gold.

Welcome to the Clue Bus

Over at Q&O, Bruce McQuain toured Chevron’s Kern River Basin oil fields in Bakersfield, California. Chevron paid for the trip for four bloggers in order to get their side of the story out. And what a story it is.

Give all of that, however, there was something else I learned that just blew my mind - while they’re producing that 80,000 bpd of oil, they’re also pumping up 555,000 bpd of water. In fact they joke about really being a water production facility which produces oil as a by-product. That’s more true than you might imagine. But it also means they must process a half a million barrels of water a day, separate the oil from it and do something with the remaining water. This is where it gets interesting. You heard Jane mention they process and purify some of it through walnut shell filters for agricultural use. In fact, they have about 272,000 bpd in excess that they send through that process and then is sold to California for use in growing all those luscious veggies Californians are so wild about. My guess is that most of California has no idea that’s the case.

So what do they do with the remaining 231,000 bpd of the water they pump up? They make steam. Lots and lots of steam. And that brings us to something else of which I’m pretty sure the average Californian isn’t aware. Part of that steam powers up to 20% of the Californian electrical grid. It’s called ‘cogeneration’, and Chevron has actually built plants on the field which are plugged into the California power grid and provide on-demand electricity. They use the waste steam generated in the steam injection process to power these plants. Clean energy and highly efficient clean production.

Electricity and water are two things that California needs more of, and here we have a big ol' evil corporation providing it. They probably put dozens of electricity fairies and dryads out of work doing it too.

Those Crazy Italians!

Giant octopus attacking a rocket in space.



And for more pulpy, campy, octopussy *snicker* fun, check out Vintage Octopus Pulp Covers! I love that you can find stuff like this on the internet.

(I linked to that site back in 2005, but it's worth a second look)

Overdue For A Zombie Post

This one is a natural for Rocket Jones.

Ten Classic Films That Would Be Better With Zombies.

Thanks to Ghost of a Flea for the pointer.

Sweet!

Details: The Tank Cartridge, 120mm, Canister, XM1028, is a tank round comprised of 1150 (est.) tungsten balls, which are expelled upon muzzle exit. There is no fuse on this round. While the dispersion pattern increases with range as the velocity of the balls decreases, the dense tungsten balls are used to minimize the velocity fall-off.

This round meets urgent requirements to provide effective rapid lethal reaction against massed assaulting infantry armed with hand held anti-tank and automatic weapons at close range (500 meters or less) thereby improving survivability. This additional capability will give the Abrams Tank the ability to survive RPG ambushes and to fully support friendly infantry assaults.

Launch Report - 2/7/2009

First rocket launch of the season for me, and it was pretty doggone good. The sky is sunny and the temps are an unseasonably warm 50-ish. If only there was less wind (10-20mph), not that it stopped anyone.

As I drove up to Great Meadow, I saw that the launch range was on the back side of the field. I understand this is probably a permanent change, but no matter, the new setup works just fine with plenty of parking.

So what did I fly?

1. Estes Snitch - D12-0/C6-3 - This is the plastic ready-to-fly UFO from Estes. I CHAD-stage (CHeap And Dirty) the D12 to give it a swift kick, and then the second motor lights when it's up there. Always fun, and I almost landed the saucer in the trash can near the range head.

2. YJ-218 - 2x C6-7 - My oldest and most-flown cluster rocket, very reliable. Once again, perfection.

3. Zen Doggie - 3x A6-4 - Three little Quest motors in this cluster, making another proving flight after I modified the fin geometry. Nice launch, not very high, but a perfect flight. I think this rocket is ready for more power.

4. Barenaked Lady - E18-7 - Ultralight rocket and big honkin' motor (for this rocket) equals big altitude. My longest walk of the day, maybe 300 yards, right to the edge of the field. Oh yeah, the copperhead igniter worked first time (wonder of wonders).

5. Angel - D12-3 - This ring-fin did a little tail waggle on the way up. I knew the delay was too short, but it was all I had. Not that it mattered, because the chute got tangled and never opened. I have some minor repairs to do, but she'll be ready to fly again in no time.

That was it for me. I talked to old friends, caught up on some East Coast rocket gossip, and helped a kid and his dad put a new shock cord on their rocket. For some reason, they thought that it would be a good idea to use hot-melt glue. Oh well, they now know better, and I set 'em up with a good length of kevlar shock cord.

These launch reports may bore you, but I use them to document my flights over the years. As always (well, except for this time because I forgot), y'all are invited to attend our club rocket launches. Spectators welcomed, low-power (Estes-sized) flies for free, and it's a good chance to do something interesting with the family.

Baby Wolf!!!

This is why I read LeeAnn.

Justice Ginsburg

Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg underwent surgery for pancreatic cancer yesterday.

She's one of most liberal members of the Court. I sincerely wish her a speedy recovery, and may she continue to infuriate me with her decisions for years to come.

Cheap Entertainment In These Tough Economic Times

Long-time readers may fondly recall the famous 42 rotating banners on the old Rocket Jones. New readers may wish to devour the original Rocket Jones archives (including the legendary "Cornucopia of Ted"). Either way, I've got you covered. Over up top of the sidebar, or, for a short time only, this super-convenient link:

Rocket Jones

Life Isn't All Crap. It *Can't* Be.

My first embedded video, because as a former boss used to say, "you can't rush into these things."



Anyway, cool video. Especially cool is the response from the troops.

Admit It, You Want One

Pocket Grappling Hook. I don't have one.

Yet.

Change You Can Believe In

Proficiency training (i.e. target practice) would be a lot more fun with these.

Thanks to Buckethead of the Ministry of Minor Perfidy for pointing (heh) these out.

Sad News Indeed

LeeAnn passes on the word that T-Shirt Hell is shutting down.

Like their shirts, this is wrong on so many levels. Unlike their shirts, it's not funny at all.

Because You Never Know When Someone Might Need Smiting

Unleash a can of biblical-grade whoopass on your personal Goliath. Details at Slinging.org.

Cinderella Never Had It So Good

The dog is sick. Doggie gastro-cominouttabothends-itis. I was up all night, cleaning up puddles of mucousy barf and foul smelling runny poop. The poor guy doesn't mean to make a mess, but when it happens, it happens. He actually made it outside about a quarter of the time too (I had to hose off the front walk this morning).

He's unhappy because he's not getting his normal eats. I'm tired as hell and running another laundry load of soiled towels, dishrags and rugs. We'll shampoo the carpets this afternoon.

Just thought I'd share that with y'all.

As A Male, I Have Mixed Feelings About This

If you've been vexed by the age old problems of carrying loose change and needing a unique conversation starter, may I suggest a quick stop at the Scrotum Gift Shop. Here's what they say about their "pouches":

Kangaroo scrotum pouches are made from the scrotum of male kangaroo, and it's said to be very lucky; all those in possession of one is assured of a long life, happiness and healthy children.

I suppose the luck, happiness, etc. only applies if you're not a kangaroo.

Can I Get An Amen!

I seldom read the Washington Post, and link to them even less, but this one just had to be done. Charles Krauthammer on President Obama's attitude towards Muslims:

In these most recent 20 years -- the alleged winter of our disrespect of the Islamic world -- America did not just respect Muslims, it bled for them. It engaged in five military campaigns, every one of which involved -- and resulted in -- the liberation of a Muslim people: Bosnia, Kosovo, Kuwait, Afghanistan and Iraq.

The two Balkan interventions -- as well as the failed 1992-93 Somalia intervention to feed starving African Muslims (43 Americans were killed) -- were humanitarian exercises of the highest order, there being no significant U.S. strategic interest at stake. In these 20 years, this nation has done more for suffering and oppressed Muslims than any nation, Muslim or non-Muslim, anywhere on Earth. Why are we apologizing?

Read the whole thing, as they say.

A Musical Description Of My Morning Commute

You got yer
Dead skunk in the middle of the road
Dead skunk in the middle of the road
You got yer dead skunk in the middle of the road
Stinkin' to high Heaven!

by Wainwright Loudon

The Problem Isn't The Message

Alright, don't do this:

Transportation officials in Texas are scrambling to prevent hackers from changing messages on digital road signs after one sign in Austin was altered to read, "Zombies Ahead."

Unless it's true, because as a driver I think I'd like to know if there are zombies ahead, wouldn't you?

Making Friends, The Presidential Way

So today Obama chided the metro D.C. area because schools closed for the weather.

"My children's school was canceled today because of what? Some ice."

Obama said his daughters -- Malia, 10, and Sasha, 7 -- pointed out that school in Chicago is never canceled.

"In fact, my 7-year-old pointed out that you'd go out for recess. You wouldn't even stay indoors," Obama says.

"We're going to have to try some flinty, Chicago toughness to this town."

Thank you, Mr. President, for letting me know that people from Chicago are too goddam stupid to stay home when the roads are icy. Not snowy, not sleety, but covered in fucking ice.

I never realized that flinty toughness was all it took to overcome the natural laws of physics, such as the ability to stop a vehicle (like a school bus) when it's riding on a layer of ice.

As for the kids going outside, it's probably because in Chicago they just can't get enough of America's Funniest Home Videos.

Outrage Enough For The Both Of Us

You heard about that US Airways flight that ditched in the Hudson river. The one that flew through a flock of geese and lost both engines and managed to emergency land without a single person dying.

If you did, then the following will probably piss you off. If you didn't, then don't worry, because I've got you covered.

Some of the passengers are thinking about filing lawsuits, and have lawyered up.

Kreindler & Kreindler, a New York law firm that has represented plaintiffs in crashes, says it has been contacted by several passengers on the US Airways flight.

The firm's lawyers are determining what injuries and emotional distress passengers may have suffered, and what parties might be liable under New York state law, says Noah Kushlefsky, a partner in the firm.

Rachel Lucas points out the obvious, that the GEESE are responsible.

So, here are my suggestions to those ungrateful assholes unhappy passengers.

1. Sue every church in the world: "Act of God" and all that. Don't forget the Muslims either, 'cuz I hear Allah is all that.

2. Sue GreenPeace, the Sierra Club, PETA and every other animal rights organization out there. If it weren't for them, those pesky flying speedbumps would've been extinct by now.

3. Sue New York City. Their anti-gun laws obviously limited airline's ability to create a hazard-free zone for miles surrounding the airport. I'd love to get a job hunting for safety.

Really, the main thing this whole situation demonstrates is that not enough lawyers get sucked into jet engines.

Old Friends

Recently, I've been contacted by a couple of old friends that I served in the Air Force with. One was my best friend Paul, who I lost contact with back in 2006. I knew he'd moved to the Philippines, and figured that he'd eventually drop me a line since we'd gone a few years between contacts before.

So yeah, he'd lost my email address, went searching for "Rocket" on the internet. Stumbled across Rocket Jones and thought that it looked crazy enough to be me. Once he saw my picture holding our granddaughter, well, mission accomplished.

Paul's married to a local girl and spends his time building a house. He comes back to the US occasionally to visit his kids and grandkids, and to do jury duty.

Long time readers may remember Paul as the guy I stayed with when he lived in Las Vegas, and we held a reunion for a bunch of Security Police there. After the reunion, I stayed awhile longer and we repo'd cars for a few days for fun. He's also one of the former owners of the Hobbit House, a bar staffed entirely by midgets on the resort island of Boracay.

The other old friend was a guy I served with in Germany. Turns out that he's written a semi-fictional account of the Flugtag Airshow Disaster that happened in 1988, while we were stationed at Ramstein AB. In fact, that's how he found me, he sent an email after finding the Rocket Jones archives about that horrible day.

Here's a link to the book, Flugtag 88. You should buy it, and not just because both my wife and I are in it. In fact, you should buy copies of all his books, so he'll be overwhelmed with the power of a Rocket Jones endorsement. Uh... yeah.

Stop laughing.

It Might Be Cool

LMAO: XKCD.

Heh

A Georgia State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-75. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?"

The driver replied, "Bout whut?"

Movie Review! Something A Little Different

Disclosure time: I was sent a free reviewer's copy of this flick, but you know I still try to be fair when I review these.

Malaysian horror. Yep, you read that right. The very first horror movie ever filmed in Malaysia! I know, you're dying to know how it was.

It was... tame.

And that's not always a bad thing. Read on.

Visits - Hungry Ghost Anthology (2004) consists of four ghost stories set in modern day Kuala Lampur and tied together by the Chinese festival of the Hungry Ghost. According to lore, during this festival the spirits in Purgatory arise and walk the earth for a day.

Quick aside: I don't get people who bitch about "long black-haired ghost girls" in Asian movies, ala The Ring or The Eye. Maybe I'm wrong, but last time I checked, there weren't many blond asians running around.

Back to the movie. Visits lacks the gore of many modern horror movies. Instead, what you get is creepy atmosphere and some pretty good storytelling. This is right up my alley, because I've always said I'd rather be scared than grossed out. Classics such as Legend of Hell House (the original, please) and more recent fare like Blair Witch Project followed this path to excellent results. I'm not saying that Visits is in the same class as those two, but it does have its moments.

Ok, four stories. Every culture has its version of "folk ritual to call up a spook". Seances, Ouija Boards, Watergate break-in, whatever. Here we see the Chinese way, and it wouldn't be much of a ghost story if it didn't actually work now, would it?

Two others explore the power of friendship in intriguing ways, including one where a girl wakes up in a hospital and discovers that she's the only survivor of a suicide pact. Only she has amnesia and can't remember anything about who or how or, most importantly, why.

The best story of the bunch is also the hardest to follow, and I give it high marks more for style and originality than for storyline, although there's a wondrous never-see-it-coming-in-a-million-years twist near the end. What's memorable about this one though, is that most of the story is told through the lenses of various security cameras located throughout an apartment building. Chilling and effective.

Pros: Solid acting all around. Very good music score. Interesting interviews on the disk extras (if you like that sort of thing). Cons: The characters are rather bland, more contrast between good and bad would've been an improvement.

Overall, Visits is a decent collection of ghost stories. Worth a rent if you prefer skin crawls to slasher flicks, and gentle enough to introduce a newbie into the world of Asian horror.

Air Force Blue

Note: This is a repost from the old Rocket Jones. The original appeared in November, 2003.

Basic Training at Lackland AFB, Texas. San Antonio in August. Hell with an accent.

For some strange reason, our 'flight' of recruits was almost evenly divided between New Yorkers and Californians. There may have been a few other states in there, but not many. The Californians (including yours truly) took one bay of the barracks, and the Noo Yawkahs took the other.

We had arrived on a friday, and official training didn't start until monday, which meant that our TI (training instructor, as opposed to drill instructor) had the whole weekend to fuck with us to his hearts content. And he did.

He began by running our asses ragged all day long. Mostly by announcing fire drills one after another which caused us to hustle down three flights of steps and across the street into a field where we tried to get into some sort of formation, and then we'd take verbal abuse until the TI and his assistants got thirsty from yelling. Then we'd return to our barracks ("Double-time Hollywood! Hup hup!") and do it all over again in 10 minutes. We were hot, sticky, tired and generally pissed off. A little scared too because this neckless dude with the big voice and little smokey-the-bear hat suddenly had supreme power over our lives.

Finally we were told to grab showers before evening chow. As seventy teenagers gratefully (and wearily) stripped down, we heard the TI's voice ring out, making our blood run cold.

"Holy Shit!!! Will you take a look at this?"

Most of us knew better than to look at him, not wanting to draw attention to ourselves. We'd learned that much already.

"All of you, strip to your skivvies! Then get to attention at your bunks."

Oh crap, this couldn't be good. He walked over to the other bay to give them the same directions, the east coast boys were being watched over by the assistant TI. We could here whoops and hollers from the two sergeants. We finished undressing and stood there at something resembling attention, wondering what the hell was going to happen next.

I feared another fire drill.

Then the bay was filled with the rest of the flight as the guys from the other bay hurried in, being verbally herded by the TI's. They fell in between us, filling the ranks.

The kid directly across from me was buck naked. The TI called for everyone without underwear to take a step forward (I have no idea how many there were), and he read them the riot act for free-balling it. Many dire warnings about what constituted proper and complete military uniforms were issued, along with a promise of random, frequent checks to ensure compliance.

Next the TI walked down the line and pointed at various people as they walked by. "You... you... no... you... no..." We held our breath and prayed that we weren't singled out. Those selected were told to take a step forward.

Suddenly there were more smokey-the-bear hats in the room. I'm guessing that the assistant TI called the other sergeants up for the fun and games. Six or eight of them I think.

It was a fashion show. Many of the California boys were wearing, uh... unusual underwear. Various bikini styles. We were all reminded that Uncle Sam issued us six pairs of white boxers or briefs, and that's all we'd better be wearing during Basic Training.

As the troops marched up and down the aisle of the barracks, the TI's made comments. Nobody else laughed or even smirked, that was a sure way to catch personalized hell.

Afterwards, assignments were handed out for Flight Leader, Squad Leaders, Guide-on, road guards and so on. These were temporary, and could (and would) be pulled immediately upon screwup. The TI's voted and gave the jobs out based on the best underwear.

I became (temporarily) a squad leader.

Prior Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance vs. No Plan Survives First Contact With The Enemy

We got back from Florida with days to spare before I have to go back to work, thinking that I could spend one or maybe one and a half days getting everything caught up and ready to resume normal working life. With that in mind, I let my son know that his laundry needed to be done on Friday so that I could do all of ours on Saturday.

Of course, he waits until *late* on Friday night to start, and equally of course, the dryer goes kaput late last night. In fact, I no sooner hit "publish" on the last post when he comes upstairs to give us the bad news.

It's dead, Jim.

Not his fault, other than all the extra wear and tear of him doing his laundry every week while he lives here. And the dryer was old.

So this morning's project was to head on out and buy a new dryer. Yay. This is on top of the new wheel bearing for my car that we had done yesterday. Double Yay.

Liz reminded me that this is exactly what savings are for.

Doesn't mean I have to like it.

Floriduh

We saw lots of head scratch-worthy moments while on vacation, but this one was my favorite.

Picture a four-way intersection, and one "road" is just a stub, blocked by huge piles of felled trees and 10-foot tall heaps of busted concrete and asphalt. Someone helpfully put some traffic cones in front of the chaos and posted a couple of "Road Closed" signs.

Mookie News

Daughter Rachael graduates from Mary Baldwin college at the end of this semester. She won't be doing the ceremony thing because it looks like the timing means she'll be starting her first summer gig.

A new theater company is starting in Rockville, Maryland and they somehow got hold of Rachael's name and offered her a job as boss of the wardrobe section (she didn't apply for this one, they contacted her out of the blue). It's a short job, only one or two shows, and starts early season, so she'll be in and out before starting her next job.

That job is the biggie. A prestigious opera company outside of Denver offered her the same position, basically head of the wardrobe section. They'll fly her out there, give her a company car when she needs it, housing is included and the pay is more than double the average. This gig is eleven weeks.

Not bad for a kid who won't even turn 21 until halfway through the opera season, eh?

It also looks like she's going to put a year or two of full-time professional work on her resume before going on to graduate school. We've been assured by her professors that in the theater world this is normal, even encouraged.

So if I get details, who's up for a blogmeet/evening at the theater in Rockville? Leave comments, yay or nay.

We Now Resume Our Normal Suck

Hey all, miss me?

Liz and I drove to Florida to surprise my mother-in-law for her 70th birthday. I couldn't say so here, because she reads Rocket Jones (and she says I should do more dick jokes).

We drove down in one swell foop (14 hours), but came back in two stages, and stayed an extra day in Florida to let the weather calm down. Not that the weather in Florida was any great shakes, apparently we brought the cold with us. But mom looks good, we had a great time, and I have a whole heap o' crap to talk about.

And three more days off. Sweet!

Shhhhhhh

Starting tomorrow I'll be somewhere without internet access. See you in the new world. Play nice until I get back.

Quote of the Whenever I Feel Like It

"We may be crazy in Pakistan, but not completely out of our minds."

-- Pakistan's intelligence chief, Lt. Gen. Ahmed Shujaa Pasha

Late Bloomer

I'm 49 years old, been a registered voter and licensed driver since the age of 18, and today is the first time I've ever been called for Jury Duty.

Next month. Y'all be good now, 'kay?

Ozzie = Attitude

I've mentioned how our rabbit Ozzie is the poster critter for animal ADHD. I've never met a creature strung so tight, with the ability to startle himself just sitting still.

Now supposedly, rabbits love this game where you take a toilet paper tube and put a treat inside, and then stuff the ends with hay. The bunny will joyfully dig and chew and play until they get to the goody inside.

Not Oz.

I made it simple. Piece of dried pineapple, TP roll with ends *slightly* folded over. Maybe 30 seconds chewing work to get the treat.

It's been in Ozzie's cage for a week. He knows the pineapple is inside, he just refuses to go for it. I tried again this afternoon, and he stood over it and gave me an evil glare. I think he'd rather play the game where he just randomly destroys something of mine and then I give him a piece of goddam pineapple.

Better'n'Better

Today's latest from the upcoming Diefication (yeah, that's a word. I think. And if it's not, it should be): all bridges connecting Virginia to DC will be closed on Inauguration Day.

The folks at the local news radio station are speculating on air about what they'll need to sleep over the night before, since most of them won't be able to get to work that day. Like the rest of us peons, I s'pose.

Everyday Carry

Back in 2005, Rocket Jones asked, "What's in your pocket?"

Here's my answer from then:

Right front: pocket watch, loose change (if any)
Left front: keys
Right rear: wallet and comb
Left rear: handkerchief and Swiss Army knife

There were quite a few replies in the comments, and some interesting answers that included the reasoning behind what a person did or didn't carry.

Lately, I've gotten interested again in "everyday carry", those things and doo-dads that we keep with us for "just in case". This includes your pockets, but also things around your neck, a purse/backpack/briefcase, and maybe even an emergency kit you have in your car. For instance, my wife always has jumper cables and a road atlas in her car. In North Dakota, in the winter I kept an emergency "blizzard kit" in the trunk with a folding shovel, kitty litter for traction, blankets, etc.

What prompted this interest was a conversation with a coworker one day, and their incredulous reaction when they found out that I carry a small flashlight and leatherman, among other things. I was reminded of that exchange from the old show "Taxi", which went something like:

Latka, nervous about an impending date, emerges from shaving with dozens of pieces of toilet paper stuck all over his face.

Alex: You need a styptic pencil.

Reverend Jim: (reaching behind ear) Here.

Alex: No, I mean a styptic... hey, this *is* a styptic pencil! (hands it over to Latka) Why do you carry a styptic pencil behind your ear?

Reverend Jim: In light of what just happened, a better question might be, "why don't you?"

So yeah, I occasionally take a little ribbing about my everyday carry, but that doesn't stop people from coming to me when they need something I might (probably) have.

My pockets:
right front: cell phone, spare change (if any)
left front: fisher space pen, chapstick, and my keyring - three keys and a mini flashlight.
right rear: wallet, comb
left rear: handkerchief, swiss army knife

Around my neck: At work, I wear an ID badge.

Shirt pocket: a "pocket briefcase", fountain pen

Briefcase: iPaq, folding keyboard, headphones, chargers for iPaq and cell, case with memory cards, 2 Circa notebooks (one's my planner), eyeglasses wipe, more pens and a pencil, lighter, Leatherman Wave, mini-Maglight (indestructable, had it for years), 3' tape measure, and a personal first aid kit.

So, what's your everyday carry?

Words of Wisdom

Seen on the EDC Forums:

There are two kinds of people in the world, those with a zombie plan and those who are dinner.

Yep.

C'mon Peeps, 2008 Wasn't All That Bad

Jeez, if you listen to conventional wisdom, last year was the lowest point in human history. Get a grip.

2008 was an ok year for us. Not great, not terrible. 2009 is going to be the same I expect.

Our health insurance went up. A lot. To the point that much of our "discretionary spending" money is no longer discretionary. But that's ok, because I know what kind of medical expenses we have every year and the health insurance is worth every penny.

This new year, I've gotten off to a running start as far as honey-do items go around the house. New closet doors in the sewing room, mucho stuff to storage in the attic, pictures re-hung in the bedroom, etc. This afternoon we're going to the hardware store and pick out new chair rail for the dining area. If'n I have a limited budget, I'll get a lot of little projects done that would have gotten lost in the big plans, like expanding the front yard flower bed. For the price of a bag of mortar and some sweat, I'll double the size, add an interesting curve to it, and do it all using bricks already stacked in the back yard. Make room for that glorious pair of flowering shrubs that way overwhelmed the bed last year, when they grew about twice the size that they were supposed to.

So for 2009. We're going to be ok. So are you. It's an attitude, an outlook. Don't let the twinkies get you down.

Mookie Approved!

I used my brand-spanking-new rice cooker today to make a big ol' batch of sushi rice, and then used my nifty new sushi mold to make Spam Musubi. Even though I had no furikake and no nori to wrap the finished onigiri, Rachael and I agreed that this is good stuff. Next time, I do believe I'm going to slip some diced pickle or avocado into the mix.

Long Memory

Alternate title: Forget, Hell!

The Raiders beat Tampa Bay to knock the Buccaneers out of the playoffs. Eat shit, Gruden!!!

Rocket Jones: Aftermath of the Ritual Destruction of the Wrapping Paper

Liz and I shop early for Christmas. This allows us to be done (usually) by Thanksgiving, thus avoiding the crowds, and it also allows us to get lots and lots and lots of goodies for each other because it's spread out over months.

And I'm all about the lots and lots and lots part. I like presents.

So, highlights...

From Rachael, four glow-in-the-dark zombie finger puppets. A nice accompaniment to a set of silicone bakeware.

From Robyn and Henry, the aforementioned ink (two bottles actually, there was another bottle of Mont Blanc Racing Green).

For kitcheny goodness, since I've been cooking Japanese quite a bit lately, Liz bought me a rice cooker and a mold to make Spam Musubi (Hawaii's unofficial state food).

From the Dead Tree Department, I got a hardcover copy of Heinlein's Starship Troopers, Jonah Goldberg's Liberal Fascism, and the two volume set of Plutarch's Lives. For fun there were a couple of harmonica books too (yep, I'm still playing).

There were plenty of movie-liscious moments too. Nicholson in The Shining, the 20th anniversary edition of Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers, the two parts of the Ginger Snaps series that I was missing, and lots and lots of lesbian vampire titles (it's like it was a theme or something, not that I'm complaining).

Like I said, "lots and lots" and those were the highlights. I was very very good this year, or I fooled a whole lot of people.

And just in case you think that I'm shallow and crass and completely miss the real point of Christmas, never fear. Even if there were no gifts for giving, our family is still enjoying health and love, and we're appreciating our good fortune. Hopefully you had a wonderful Christmas too.

Not Stone Tablets, No...

In the comments to this post, my rocket buddy Rich wrote:

Books... made of paper? Interesting. Next you'll be telling us how you've taken up writing on stone tablets!

Well, no, not quite that far back. I have mentioned that I've relearned the forgotten art of written correspondence and now have pen pals from the USA and Canada. I also mentioned that I've rediscovered the retro-wonderfulness of fine fountain pens.

Three pens that I have at work every day are the Lamy Safari. I have the yellow with an extra fine nib (and usually blue-black ink), a red one with a fine nib (and red ink), and a "Vista", which is clear, that I keep filled with red-black ink (medium nib). The Lamy's are the personification of German engineering: all function over style. Extremely reliable and comfortable to write with for long stretches, but possessing the gentle good looks and friendly lines of a u-boat.

I also have a Reform 1745, which was a common pen used by many students in Germany in the 50's-80's. Someone found a bunch still new in the box and was selling them cheap. This one is my daily writer at my desk at home.

The rest of my fountain pens are Chinese economy pens, a couple of which I've reviewed on FPN (Hero 78 and Picasso 903).

For Christmas, daughter Robyn and Son-in-law Henry got me a bottle of highlighter ink and an eyedropper pen with a felt chisel tip. Basically, you use an eyedropper to fill the pen with ink, and then use it like a regular highlighter. Except that it's refillable. Very cool. Very neon yellow.

Quote of the Whenever I Feel Like It

"Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head."

-Ambrose Bierce

Wacky British Rocket Video

Courtesy of BBC's Top Gear programme.

In Apropos of Nothing

My daughter Rachael has gotten me started on reading a series of books by Janet Evanovich. The main character is Stephanie Plum, who works as a rookie bounty hunter for her cousin in New Jersey. They're funny and the mystery parts aren't bad either. Recommended.

While devouring the third in the series, I discovered that Stephanie Plum and I share the same favorite pizza: extra cheese, black olives, green peppers and onion. What's more odd; that pizza, or that I have the same tastes as a fictional character?

I also delighted in this paragraph:

My parents lived deep in the burg in a narrow duplex that on a cold day like this would smell like chocolate pudding cooking on the stove. The effect was similar to Lorelei, singing to all those sailors, sucking them in so they'd crash on the rocks.

Heh. I love that my granddaughter has a name from German mythology.

Conversation Snippet

Coworker: "Casual day, eh? And you're dressed all in black."

Me: "It's my 'Ninja Programmer' look."

Coworker: "A ninja with white sneakers?"

Me: "That's the 'Programmer' part."

Bettie Page - R.I.P.

Even if you didn't know her name, you probably recognized her.

I paid tribute to her in this Rocket Jones banner.



One in a million.

Thrifty Gift Idea For These Difficult Economic Times

Slippers.

Follow the link for a picture and simple instructions.

How to make bedroom slippers out of maxi pads.

These slippers are:
* Soft and Hygienic
* Non-slip grip strips on the soles

* Built in deodorant feature keeps feet smelling fresh
* No more bending over to mop up spills
* Disposable and biodegradable
* Environmentally safe
* Three convenient sizes: (1.) Regular, (2.) Light and (3.) Get out the Sand Bags.

Because nothing says "I Care" like home-crafted gifts.

Fair Warning

My Summer hiatus is over over at Wildside Cinema, over. Reviews by yours truly will be going up twice a month starting next week.

You Should Go Before You Leave

The Obama Inauguration is shaping up to be a huge event in more ways than one. There are projected to be more people attending than ever before, the metro system is anticipating over 1 million riders that day (a %20 increase over it's previous one day record), and the inauguration will cost Washington DC more than any previous event - by a lot.

Two things in particular amuse me about the whole business. First, as Obama goes from event to event (including parties after the swearing in), a rolling "security bubble" will move with him, which will cause metro stations and bus stops to be closed as long as the President is nearby. So in addition to the enormous increase in traffic and ridership, they'll have to deal with unpredictable interuptions and disruptions in service.

In related news, due to security concerns during the inauguration, metro will be closing all of its public restrooms. To compensate, they've announced plans to put up hundreds of port-o-potties. A little back-of-the-napkin math shows that there will be one toilet available for every 8,000 metro riders.

I will be staying far, far away from Washington DC - and metro - during the festivities.

New Business

With these tough economic times, people don't have as much money to put towards Christmas gifts. Sure, anyone can give out crap bought at the thrift shop, but true thoughtfulness costs.

Not anymore. At least, not as much.

Rather than spending hundreds of dollars for a portrait of your giftee, Rocket Jones is now offering the opportunity to get a custom and personalized drawing of your loved one as a stick figure. For a buck. And that includes shipping and handling.

Rocket Jones Customized Portraiture. Tiffany Elan at Dollar Store Prices.

Forrest J. Ackerman - R.I.P.

Affectionately known as "Forry" to legions of horror and sci-fi fans (he coined the term "sci-fi" as well as created the character Vampirella), Ackerman passed away at age 92. He published the classic "Famous Monsters of Filmland" magazine and also owned the world's largest private collection of genre memorabilia.

I saw him in a bit part in a movie just last week.

Thanks to Dustbury for the pointer to this sad news.