Summation

No Point to This, But I Make Up for it By Randomly Capitalizing the Title

So two days ago we got big rain, which moved on through and then turned into the Nor'easter which is currently kicking ass up New England way.

Today is windy as hell, from being on the tail end side of the Nor'easter. Beautiful and sunny, but windy.

Today was also "bulk pickup day", which happens in the Spring and Fall. Pretty much anything you can drag to the curb gets picked up and hauled off, saving trips to the dump. I took the opportunity to get rid of a lot of crap in the backyard and basement, including unbelievable numbers of flower pots that had accumulated over the years.

My yard looks much better and uncluttered.

Since I was doing the cleanup this morning, I couldn't go hiking. I'll go tomorrow.

Just for fun I took my backpack out back with me. After hauling the last of the rubbish to the curb, I set up my hiker kitchen and started a pot of water to boil. While that was heating up I finished raking the leaves.

When it was ready I made oatmeal and a big cup of tea, and enjoyed them out in my newly clean backyard. Very relaxing, and I've pretty much done everything I *need* to do today, before noon.

Sure is windy.

The Lunatic is On the Grass

Not Even Remotely Related to Each Other, but I Do Mention Breakfast, So I Guess It Ties Into What I Said in the Last Post

Factoid heard on the radio this morning: This year, October has 5 Fridays, 5 Saturdays and 5 Sundays. That won't happen again for 863 years.

I've discovered Nutella. Nice change from peanut butter once in a while. I ate some on a piece of whole grain bread for breakfast.

I know, right?

Laid Low By Grevious Designs

I'm recovering from a nasty case of food poisoning. Self-administered. Two things kept this completely localized to just myself - first, I was alone in the house this weekend, and second, even if I weren't, nobody else here likes French Onion Soup.

Oh yes, the homemade soup is definitely the culprit. More specifically, the beef base I used to make the stock. I have been thoroughly mocked and ridiculed for my stupidity, which in Obama-speak, was mock-worthy and ridicule-ready.

Still, it was a magnificently tasty batch of soup. I hated to throw the rest of it out when I realized what I had done to myself. A few ideas did cross my mind, but I don't know if anyone on my "short list" likes onion soup. I shall make enquiries. For future reference.

Hi Sheri!

This pretty much sums up my feelings towards the internet lately.


Yep.


If for some unholy reason I had to get a Hello Kitty tattoo, this would be it.


More Hello Kitty...


Hello Kitty with fingernails!


Rocket Jones has become a mere shadow of its former self. At this point, I keep it on life support only to annoy those corporate assclowns who stole my name several years ago (and no link for them).

Reveling in my Continuity

Shark to shark, nails to nails. Sounds like a passage from a Goth Bible.

Satan's Own Simian

Which has nothing to do with this picture. Like I ever worried about continuity.

Speaking of which, I do know that the baboon is not technically a simian. Because while I couldn't care less about continuity, I do like to be accurate. But "Satan's Own Baboon" or "Lucifer's Own Old-World Monkey" just didn't make the cut.

Nobody Will Play With Me

Not Overheard At The Office Today

It wasn't overheard because I was the frustrated soul speaking.

Working here is like being in charge of a day care center, without the satisfaction of handing out spankings.

Best co-worker response:

I thought you would've reached this point two hours ago.

My First Contact With A Visitor To The Meth Clinic

I now work in downtown DC. My parking garage is about four blocks from the building where I work, and I drive in early enough that I normally don't see but one or two people on the sidewalks in the morning.

Turns out that wasn't what I should've been watching for. This morning, just as I stepped off the curb to cross the street - with the light - a brand new Lincoln Town Car screeches to a nose-dropping stop halfway into the crosswalk I was in. Not ten feet in front of me.

The driver was an elderly black man, grey goatee, porkpie hat, dark suit, dark shirt, light colored tie. Pimp.

I glared at him. He glared at me.

I walked around his car and continued on my way. Behind me, the light changed and he turned onto the street I was on, already flying as he passed me.

Two blocks later, he's parked on the street and stepping out of his car, greeting his addict friends as they all waited for the Meth Clinic to open. After doing their thing, they all wander over to the building I work in and mingle with the homeless in the open-to-the-public cafeteria. This happens every. Freakin. Morning.

I'm a live and let live kind of guy, and as long as Pimp Nitwit doesn't try to run me over again I'll have no problem with them. I'm glad they're getting help. On my dime. And I don't ever use the cafeteria in our building.

Congrats P-Nats!!!

The Potomac Nationals (single A) won the Carolina League Championship for the second time in three years this evening.

Crime Wave

Lawn Forking.

Police in North Londonderry Township say they are investigating a Tuesday night incident where someone toilet papered a vehicle and some bushes in the 100 block of Bradley Road. The unknown perpetrators also stuck 50 plastic forks and knives in the yard.

Those fiends.

In Kind Of A Weird Mood...

...so it's picturebook story time! Yay!

Once upon a time, people realized that almost everyone else was a complete jerk.


And even when you thought it might be true love, it usually hurt like a mother.


Finding that special someone seemed impossible because of incompatibility issues.


Some retreated to their faithful toys, some into childhood fantasies. Some both.


Finding a friend who shared your interests could be frustrating, sometimes joining a club helped. Sometimes.


And if you found your special someone and shouted it from the rooftops, the rest of the world looked at you like you were crazy.


The End.

Self-explanatory.

Remembrance

This will be a little different from most 9/11 posts and articles you'll see today. This one goes a little more towards who we are, as Americans, and how we approach life in general. This is not full of great insight or analysis, it's just one of my little stories.

When I got my orders to Germany, I had to go alone because my family was not allowed to join me until I had secured housing on the German economy. This was standard procedure for almost everyone who went overseas. It wasn't a quick and easy process, both because acceptable housing was limited off base and you had to house hunt while in-processing and getting up to speed on your new job.

And I found a house. The village was named Reuschbach and was about 5 miles from the air base. I moved in to the bottom floor of a two story house (the landlords lived upstairs) and Liz began the process of getting our household goods shipped over and scheduling the trip for herself and our two very young kids.

In the meantime, Reuschbach was having a party. Maybe it was their 750th birthday* or something, I don't remember. But the important thing was that there would be a weeklong party out at the village park, in the woods outside of town. My landlord made sure to invite me and made sure I went.

The first night was fun. I straightened out the beer vendor, who insisted that all Americans drank beer ice cold. German beer sucks when it's ice cold, it's meant to be cool. Like I said, that happened once, and I was even more accepted after that. I ate sausages and saurkraut** and staggered home in the early morning hours.

The next night we did it again. I drank beer and became best friends with several people who spoke as little English as I spoke German. And there was one very pretty young lady there.

I started to talk to her and found she spoke much better English than most of my new friends. She was 20 years old, and it wasn't until we both got up to get more beer that I discovered that she limped badly from a physical deformity.

As the night went on, I found out that she really wanted to be a teacher, but the Government wouldn't let her because "a cripple cannot take proper care of children." I was outraged, and spent much of the next two nights encouraging her to fight back and not accept their stupid rules.

At one point, she told me, "You Americans are always like this. You never give up and you think you can have anything you want, just because you want it." She said this with wonder in her voice, as if she was discovering that all she'd heard about us crazy Americans was true.

I pressed her on it, telling her that if she was willing to work hard for it, there was no reason that she couldn't fulfill her dream of teaching. To hell with the authorities who decided she was better suited to clerical work in an office, just because of her bodily imperfection.

Eventually her Mother got involved, reminding me that I was a guest and shouldn't be putting crazy ideas into her daughter's head. We exchanged a few letters after that, and at one point we were going to meet in a nearby city so that my wife could meet her too, but plans for that fell through and were never followed up.

I often wonder whatever happened to her. I sometimes wonder if a little bit of the crazy American attitude rubbed off on her. Lord knows I tried.

* If that sounds implausible, a good friend of mine lived in Biersborn, not too far away. They celebrated their 1500th birthday while we were there. Biersborn appeared on ancient Roman maps as a trade route waypoint.

** I had saurkraut that night within weeks of arriving in Germany, and never again even saw it on a menu in a restaurant for the rest of my three-year tour.

Since It Went Over So Well Last Time

Bondage Chick.


Creative. Cool. I suspect though, that it only really works a couple of hours a day.


You had the acronym first? Fine, here's your fucking pandas.


Redundant caption goes here.


I admit it. I smiled.

A Musical Interlude

In somewhat related news, my daughter noticed that I had bought the first two seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Her reaction? She said I was "such a teenaged girl."

Simplify

If IKEA Hired Designers Like Kubrick, Carpenter and Romero

Behold. Furniture to scare guests away.

Flyover Country

During the luncheon after the funeral, I got into some great conversations with my relatives. These folks are all from Iowa, Nebraska and Minnesota.

The most common question I got was, "do you ever see politicians?"

This was always followed up with a statement of dissatisfaction about the current administration and congress. In fact, the nicest reaction was a simple eye roll. Most of them were really and truly pissed off about what's been going on in Washington.

It wasn't limited to agricultural issues either. Iowa has an illegal immigrant problem (see "Egg Recall" for a glaring example), and they're none too happy about it. Unsurprisingly (to me), it's not about race, it's about following the rules and doing the right thing. It's about coming to America and *becoming* an American, not living on the fringes and staying on the outside of society by choice.

It was like looking into a mirror. It was like listening to myself. I guess sturdy midwestern stock breeds true.

Back

Round trip drive to Iowa is about 2500 miles, and we've done it three times since April.

You may recall that Dad spent six weeks with us earlier this year, so we were blessed by having that time with him before he died. Near the end, I'd talked to him once or twice a day, so we had already said our goodbyes. My main reason for going to Iowa this time was to reconnect with family that I've drifted away from over the years. That happened in a big way.

I have a ton of thank you cards and emails to catch up on. Look for canned nonsense for the immediate future. In other words, back to normal.

During my temporary hiatus, I'd remind everyone about my other blog: Quiet Tales. Think of it as me expressing my creative side when I haven't forgotten my meds.

Richard K. Phipps, 1933 - 2010

My Dad passed away yesterday morning. He was home with family, and was comfortable and at peace.

We're headed out tomorrow morning for the long drive to Iowa. See y'all when I get back.

Oh, But The Ones That Do

Liz claims very few will get it. I don't care, I want it on my car.

Fooling Myself

Yeah, it's culture time here at Rocket Jones, and today I'm pleased to pass along a couple catchy tunes. Today's theme? Relationships.

Got the first from daughter Rachael (blogless). The second from Ace of Spades HQ. Enjoy.

Corrupting the Young is a Thankless Job

This morning granddaughter Lorelei and I spent some quality time with her crayons. She gave me a Handy Manny coloring book, and I colored Mrs. Portillo as an Orion Slave Girl from Star Trek.

It's what I do, so rather than chewing me out, Lorelei's Mom (my daughter Robyn) only rolled her eyes.

Clever Funny

Never Thought I'd Say This

But watch these dudes work the pole.

Rockets, Cake, And The Combination Thereof

During this year's Team America Rocketry Challenge, the Food Network's "Ace of Cakes" arrived with a cake baked especially to fit a payload capsule built by one of the members of our rocketry club. So, did it work? Did the cake survive?

Find out on Thursday, September 2nd, at 10pm EST. The episode is called "Full Throttle Bakery".

No hints, but the cake was tasty.

Contender

LeeAnn creeped everyone out with this charming piece:


But I think this might be in the running to take the top spot:


What say you?

Do Not Take This As A Sign That I Actually Want To Talk You Out Of It

Infernal Devices

I've been on sort of a steampunk-ish roll lately. I'm devouring the archives of Girl Genius (Adventure, Romance, Mad Science!) and someone pointed me to Lady Clankington's Cabinet of Carnal Curiousities.

Steampunk inspired sex toys. Huzzah!

Seriously though, check out Girl Genius.

This Is How I'd Decorate *My* Starbucks Franchise

And for the obliviots who refuse to get the hint that their yuppie larvae aren't welcome, I'd ask every mom if their monkey would like a banana.

Luncheon Conversation

Yesterday some co-workers and I went to lunch at a popular eatery in downtown D.C.
Here's a blurb from their website to give you an idea of the ambiance.

We are dedicated to environmentally friendly practices at every turn and are proud to be DC’s first LEED (Gold) certified restaurant. We are a Certified Green RestaurantTM, and we offset our greenhouse gas emissions through Carbonfund.org. While we can’t provide absolution on environmental issues, when it comes to restaurants, you can be confident that Founding Farmers is making a wide and deep commitment across a spectrum of important topics to help preserve the earth.

We sat down and since I'd never been there before, the waiter launches into an explanation of the higher concept of the restaraunt. As we ordered, my boss (who's a bit of a tree-hugger) began asking questions of the waiter (this is condenced and paraphrased).

Boss: Is the salmon farmed or humanely caught?

Waiter: I believe the salmon comes from Maine, where they set up netted enclosures off the coast to capture and raise the salmon. It's like farming the fish in their natural environment.

Boss: I think I'll try this wine.

Waiter: Have you seen the container for that? They don't use regular bottles, so they save a lot of money on shipping.

Boss: No corks?

Waiter: No cork.

Boss: I like that, cork is unsustainable.

Waiter (to me): Do you have any questions?

Me: Yeah. When the food arrives, will it be dead, and will it taste good?

Waiter:

I'm happy to report that my burger was indeed DOA and very tasty. I'm looking forward to our next visit.

Open Communication Is So Important To Parents

Before Chelsea 's wedding on July 31st... Hillary wanted to play the perfect Mom.

She asked Chelsea ... "have you had sex with Marc?"

Chelsea said.... "Not according to Dad"

A Whole Heap of Love Raining Down on You

Heaps o' heaps, mon!


There's been a recent fascination with Myst steampunk. This qualifies.


If this isn't the creepiest death certificate you've ever imagined, then you should seek professional help. Now. Go.


A little something for Sheri's garden.


If I must have a cat, I want this one.


This about 'splains it, eh?

Submitted Without Comment

New to Me

Maybe you've heard it before, but I hadn't.

Science will fly you to the moon. Religion will fly you into a building.

A Movie I Must See

Deafula? A movie about a deaf vampire, done entirely in sign language. Amazon doesn't have it, I must search.

Spotted over at Agony Booth, which I found thanks to Dustbury. Thanks Chaz.

Words, Level of Wisdom to be Determined

A co-worker had an absolutely horrible day yesterday. As I left for the day I reminded her,

"It's not worth heading to the roof unless you're carrying a sniper scope."

Gamblers Call It A "Tell"

The book I'm reading has a chapter titled, "How to Not Have Your Face Eaten."

It's an excellent book.

Perspective

Well?

It's Captain America, after all...

Rain, Rain, Stay Awhile

We're 6" below average for the year, so the steady rain we're seeing is very welcomed.

Quote of the Whenever I Feel Like It

I expect powerful writing from this author, but this struck me as unexpectedly beautiful.

Poets are the dreams of Gods.
-- H.P. Lovecraft

Quote of the Whenever I Feel Like It

I have given up my democratic prejudices and have willingly set the lower classes free to be completely taken care of by the upper classes. -- Robert Frost

He was only half-kidding, I think.

Frazil Ice

Magnificent Nature.



Thanks to Bayou Renaissance Man for the pointer.

Yeah, it's chopped at the edge. The original is here. Either way, it's worth taking the time to watch.

Snippet

This week at work:

Boss: Where's Mary?

Me: On the roof.

Boss (laughing as he walks away): I better go and talk her down.

Mary (from her cubicle): What was that about?

Me: I lured him to the roof. Now go do your part.

Stolen from Failbook

Made Me Laugh

Spotted while surfing the net:

If someone hates you for no reason, give the motherfucker a reason.

The Joys of Urban Living

I don't actually *live* in the city, but I work downtown.

This morning after parking my car, as I'm walking to my place of employment I see this guy on the sidewalk. Shirtless, pants half-down his legs, acting like he's freezing to death and desperately trying to open the side door of a van. He knocks, looks around, jiggles the handle, knocks again, does the popsicle dance and then does it all over again.

At first I wondered how this fool managed to lock himself out of his work vehicle (it was a company van), especially since he was barely half dressed. When I looked back, he had moved down the street and was trying to open a car.

I hate the city.

Trying Too Hard

I saw a sign at the local daycare center for CAMP WOW, and underneath the splashy top line it read, "Wonderful wOrld of aWesome."

Someone got paid good money to come up with that.

Turning Tables

According to a reliable source, one of the trendy names for kids is Nevaeh, which is inevitably followed up with, "It's heaven spelled backwards."

I may start introducing my granddaughter to people as "Harpo. It's Oprah spelled backwards, ya know."

New and Useful

As Sheri's hired help said, "It's hot, but it's not Africa hot."

Lately I've been saying, "He's crazy, but not Tom Cruise crazy."

Touched, in a Good Way

While stationed in North Dakota with the Air Force, I spent a long, cold winter reading massive amounts of poetry by Byron, Keats and Shelley. I'd never been exposed to poetry to any extent and decided that it was high time that I correct the situation. I made it through to the end, but discovered that I'm not much of a poetry person.

That's not to say that I don't occasionally get into some, but it's not a steady diet.

Recently I've been reading Sappho, One Hundred Lyrics. A couple of nearly complete pieces and a handful of fragments are all that are left of her work, and yet, for two and a half millenia she has been considered one of the greatest (if not the greatest) poets of all time.

"Sappho who broke off a fragment of her soul
for us to guess at." -- E.E. Browning

The book contains all that remains of her impossibly perfect words, along with a welcome bit of context and history. There were probably nine volumes of her work all told, along with various other types of works.

"Love's priestess, mad with pain and joy of song,
Song's priestess, mad with joy and pain of love." -- H.T. Wharton

I am smitten.

Heart of mine, if all the altars
Of the ages stood before me,
Not one pure enough nor sacred
Could I find to lay this white, white
Rose of love upon.

I would build a fragrant temple
To thee, in the dark green forest,
Of red cedar and fine sandal,
And there love thee with sweet service
All my whole life long. -- Sappho

We used to play a silly game, imagining a time machine and what ifs. Were it to become reality, I know exactly what I would do.

Silent Library

I think most game shows are weird, but Japanese games shows take weird to a whole new level.

Silent Library is one of my favorites. The game is simple. Six guys sit in a 'library' and a game is announced. They then draw from a stack of cards. They each turn their card over and the one with the uh-oh card has a stunt pulled on them. They're supposed to stay quiet through the whole thing but as you'll see, it's pretty damn hilarious.

The video at the link is long, but try to at least watch beginning at 5:50.

Euell Gibbons

We share a birthday and a love of the outdoors, but that's about it. In popular culture, he's most famous for his television ad quote, "Ever eat a pine tree? Many parts are edible." Followed soon after with "Grape Nuts cereal reminds me of wild hickory nuts."

Remind me never to eat a wild hickory nut, because I tried Grape Nuts for the first time this morning and they are nasty. Yuck.

Sooper Dooper Valoo Deal! Boy Howdy!!!

In the $5.00 bin at WalMart they had a copy of Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus!!!

Yep, past tense. It's mine, Mine, MINE now! Bwahahahahahahahaha

Wayell Hayell

To everyone who's comments *just* got posted here, my apologies. I haven't been real good about checking the bucket o' spam for gold nuggets, and blogspot is rather, er, enthusiastic about marking things as questionable.

Which you all are. Have no doubt, that's one of the things about each and every one of you that endears you to me.

FTW

When good triumphs over evil.

Meanwhile, Back at the Ranch

Whew, been busy!

My Dad is now living with us for a couple of months. He was at an assisted-living place in Iowa that he really didn't care for, so Liz and I drove out and picked him up. We got back yesterday evening after a whirlwind trip across half the US.

So today Rachael and I installed a new stair lift in the house so Dad can make it up and down the stairs (Liz can use it too). Not real difficult, but kinda finicky and the thing is mondo heavy duty so we're worn out from wrasslin' it into working order.

Tomorrow is installing extra grab bars in the bath. In the near future I need to put a railing on the front porch step and do some electrical work in the attic. And if you're wondering why we didn't do all this ahead of time, it's because it took quite a while to make room for Dad in the first place. I think we'll be getting a small storage unit to hold some of the 'extra' stuff we moved out of his bedroom (used to be my den).

I'm dead tired, but damn, it's great to have Dad around. The extended visit was Liz's idea. She's the bestest.

Pop Some Popcorn, It's Rocket Jones Movie Review Time!!!

This time around, I have two movies that aren't really what you'd expect from me. Although considering some of the crap that I watch (and love), that's pretty much a nonsensical statement. Both of these were released in 2009, and Tim Burton served as Producer for each. Without further ado, I present my take on two lesser known Tim Burton offerings.

Coraline

This is a dark fairy tale about a girl who moves into a new house and discovers a secret door that leads to... the same house, except everything, including her parents and neighbors, are better. She can stay permanently, but there's a catch.

Coraline is completely done in stop-motion photography and 3D (there's a 2D version on the DVD too), and the overall look is very cool. Adapted from a novella by author Neil Gaiman, the story is rich and detailed and full of memorable characters. Some of the scenes are breathtakingly beautiful and others are quietly terrifying. There's an excellent mix of humor and horror here, and it's definitely not for the wee youngsters. For you? Well, I watched it (Netflix) and was so blown away that I held on to it for a week so that my daughter Rachael could watch it. She loved it too, and it's on my Amazon to-buy list now. Really, do yourself a favor and watch this one.

9

9 is the second animated release for Focus Films, after Coraline. In this one, 9 refers to a rag doll that awakens to find the world destroyed. He manages to find dolls 1 through 8, there's a lot of bickering and then they defeat the evil Skynet Brain Machine. So life can begin again, or something, I think.

This movie is visually stunning but it's all for show. The story is major letdown, and it's not because they tried and failed. You are intentionally left without much more than hints about what happenned to humanity (I think it's an alternate universe, it's certainly not ours). Why rag dolls? Hints. How did they come to life? Hints. What happens next? Are there any people left? Animals? Who knows?

9 is short enough - 79 minutes - that it wasn't a complete waste of time, but don't expect much more than a pretty face. It's shallow. Like me.

Summing Up

Absolutely, positively see Coraline. Flip a coin on 9, there's worse out there.

POW! BAM! ZOWIE!

I'm not a superhero fan. As a kid, when it came to comic books my favorites were the eerie ones like Tales from the Crypt (I know, big surprise, eh?), then funny ones, then superheroes. I was happier with a copy of Richie Rich than I was of Superman, Fantastic Four, etc. Now that I'm older (I won't claim grown up), I've never seen Spiderman or Iron Man or the Hulk movies. Just never felt compelled to.

But I heard amazing things about Heath Ledger's final role as the Joker. Last night I sat down and watched Batman Begins and The Dark Knight, courtesy of Netflix. Something like five hours of Gotham City, Alfred and Inspector Gordon, all in one swell foop.

It was pretty good. Not good enough to ignite an interest in seeing all the superhero movies (or even the earlier Batman flicks), but I did enjoy them.

Heath Ledger was excellent, but kind of a letdown because there was no way his performance could've lived up to the hype.

Next up on my watch list are volumes one & two of the Mario Bava collection (Christmas presents - yay!). Hot diggety!

Nyquil-Induced Inspiration

Considering the amount of snot that's poured out of my head in the last six days, I think DARPA should develop a fire-smothering version. That way, one smoke jumper with a super-soaker full of the stuff could probably handle all of the west coast next wildfire season.

File Under: Brass Bra

Originally seen at Q&O.

Unique

After casual observation, I've come to the conclusion that I'm one of the very few people who can't stand mango.

What I Watched - 4th Quarter 2009

Ok, here's the list of the movies I watched during the last three months of 2009. My final stats for the entire year are at the bottom, so if you'd rather skip the embarrassing details, feel free. Also, I don't want to hear any crap about not being in the Christmas spirit. I only list DVD's here (my own and from Netflix), and I watched many of my favorite Christmas classics on television (Holiday Inn, White Christmas, The Santa Clause, etc.).

Monster-A-Go-Go – not a good start to the quarter.
Psyched by the 4-D Witch – I didn't think things could get worse. I was wrong.
Two Thousand Maniacs! - Somehow, I'd never gotten around to seeing this cult classic. I was impressed with the barrel roll scene.
The Man & The Monster – Classic Mexican horror, about a man who sells his soul to the Devil and predictably gets way more than he bargained for.
Gruesome Twosome – Old lady has the most realistic looking wigs.
Blood Feast – Have you ever had an Egyptian Feast?
The Ghost and Mr. Chicken – Don Knotts classic. I love it.
Color Me Blood Red – An artist finds the perfect red. Interesting-ish bit of bondage at the end.
Country Cuzzins – Rene Bond. Enuf said.
Midnight Plowboy – More hixploitation. Fun but dumb.
How To Be A Serial Killer – This started out so promising, but fizzled badly.
The Incredible Mr. Limpet – Don Knotts as an animated fish, kicks Nazi ass.
The Girl Who Shagged Me – Misty Mundae couldn't save this mess. There's a part 2 to complete the story, but I won't even bother.
Old Boy – Memorable Asian horror. It does finally make sense at the end, which doesn't make it any less disturbing.
Sin Sisters – Misty Mundae is truly scary as the cold, psychotic half of the title duo. Surprisingly effective flick with a twist ending that completely blindsided me.
Night of Lust – Believe it or not, the film The French Connection was based on this nudie from France. Great jazz score.
Sleepy Hollow – Depp in this decent retelling of the Washington Irving tale.
Donnie Darko – Nope, still makes no sense. But I re-watch it periodically, much like Terry Gilliam's Brazil.
Images in a Convent – Nunsploitation. I have a dirty, dirty soul.
The Adult Version of Jekyll and Hide – Not a misspelling. Rene Bond again, in a nicely done, nicely twisted variation on the classic.
Emanuelle and the Last Cannibals – I've been slowly working my way through the franchise, and this is one of them.
A Dirty Shame – Funniest movie about sex since Orgasmo, starring Tracy Ullman.
House of Wax – Vincent Price at his best. Classic.
Night of the Hunter – Robert Mitchum wows, right up until Lillian Gish steals the show towards the end.
Zack and Miri Make A Porno – Sweet and funny, I liked this one enough that I'd buy it if I see it on sale.
Drag Me To Hell – The surprise ending didn't. Eh.
The Brown Bunny – I admit it, I watched this mainly for the non-simulated blow job by Chloe Savigny. Other than that, this movie is so dull that I fast forwarded through long stretches without missing anything.
Dark Habits – Nunsploitation. Didn't we already have this conversation?
Gladiator – Fun but formulaic. Overrated in my humble opinion.
The Haunting – The awesome original version scares with nothing more than sound effects and your own imagination.
My Bloody Valentine – An early slasher flick. Not being a big fan of the genre, I still enjoyed it.
April Fool's Day – Underrated 80's horror.
United 93 – This was very difficult to watch. The DVD extras includes pictures and bios of each passenger on the flight and I cried.
Satan's Baby Doll - Let's see... nymphet daughter is possessed by her dead mother in order to murder the rest of the family one by one. Not nearly as good as I'd hoped.
Star Trek – The new one. This was another 'Earth vs. Soup' movie. As long as I didn't think about it too much it was enjoyable.
Fritz the Cat – Does not survive the test of time, other than as a reminder that assholes are part of every generation. Oh, and cartoon animal sex is creepy.
Just the Two of Us – A 70's era grindhouse morality play, with lesbians and boobs.
Jason and the Argonauts – Skeletons swordfighting. Harryhausen FTW!
Flesh and Lace - A movie about an innocent and naive nymphomaniac. Ends with a shootout in a toy store.
Passion in Hot Hollows – For all the B and C grade crap I watch, this one stands out for having an actual plot, and for piling twist upon outrageous twist onto the story.
No Country For Old Men – As long as you remember that this was a Cohen Brothers movie, you won't be surprised by anything that happens. Quirky enough to win the Oscar, but I wasn't that impressed.
Macumba Sexual – There are five women in this Jess Franco movie, and in the first 10 minutes four get completely full frontal naked and the one that doesn't gives a beaver shot. Lots of man junk on display too. Not awful. The movie, I mean. You can make up your own mind about the man junk.
Trading Places – Ackroyd, Murphy, Curtis, Ameche and Bellamy. Need I say more?
The Pornographers – Japanese classic about a guy doing whatever it takes to support his weird family. Despite a couple of disturbing insinuations and the general subject matter, there's only one very brief boob on display.
The Toybox – This softcore sex movie turns into a murder mystery before ending up as a Sci-Fi alien monster flick. Weird.
The Joys of Jezebel – Jezebel persuades Satan to let her go back to Earth for revenge against her husband, who had her murdered for political expediency. Ambitious plot considering that this is really just another nudie movie.
My Tale Is Hot – Satan tries to tempt the “World's Most Faithful Husband”. Basically, this is one long vaudeville routine on camera with plenty of naked women on display. Includes one spliced in dance routine from the legendary stripper Candy Barr.
Clerks 2 – I'm still laughing at the ending of this one.
Uzamaki – Something is spreading through a small Japanese town, turning the residents into snails. Very atmospheric and creepy.
Bubba Ho Tep – Bruce Campbell as Elvis and Ossie Davis as JFK. If that doesn't send a thrill down your leg then there's something seriously normal about you.
Entrails of a Virgin – A gory Japanese flick. According to the director, the movie is like Crackerjacks: you get horror, plus you get sex. Quite a bit of sex. In fact, there's so much sex going on that the horror part gets short shrift. That's not a good thing, especially since the sex isn't all that hot.
Violence in a Woman's Prison – Another flick in the Emanuelle franchise, starring the stunning Laura Gemser. Typical WIP plot: evil warden, dykes and sadistic guards, etc.
Fangs of the Living Dead – Anita Eckberg inherits a castle full of distant relatives. And vampires. A lesson in intersecting sets ensues.
Women of Devil's Island – Old swashbuckler complete with an island prison for women, pirates, and gold.
The Defilers – Two hep cats looking for kicks decide to kidnap a young model.
Scum of the Earth – A look at the sordid world of naughty pictures and the ways that women were blackmailed into posing. If you've ever watched a Something Weird video, part of the opening soliloquy is the infamous “You're dirty, do you hear me? Dirty!” The whole speech comes from this movie.
Breaking Her Will – I did a complete review of this movie here.
Blood for Dracula – Andy Warhol's take on the vampire mythos. Campy, surreal and fun. The count needs virgin blood, and his local population has been depleted.
Dirtbags – A disjointed comedy based on the premise that instead of humans being intrinsically altruistic, they're opportunistically selfish. Some outrageously funny jokes, but definitely not for everyone. Odds are, you'll hate this offensive (to most everyone) movie.
Prime Time – Mediocre flick along the lines of Kentucky Fried Movie and The Groove Tube.
Brotherhood of the Wolf – This is on my all-time favorites list. Lush, gorgeous, mysterious, and unlike anything you've ever seen before. Highly recommended.
Brainiac – Mexican horror classic. This was the slightly goofy original Mexican version, as opposed to the re-edited and re-released American version, which is over-the-top goofy.
Freaks – Classic. If you've never seen this, your cinematic resume is sadly lacking.
Sex by Advertisement – pseudo documentary from the 60's (translation: excuse for softcore porn), most notable by being hosted by a “doctor” played by legendary porn actress Georgina Spelvin, before she got into the biz. The doc never gets naked, most everyone else does.
Career Bed – Mom will do anything, and I do mean anything, to make her daughter a star.
Office Love-In – more 60's softcore. Forgettable. Big surprise, eh?
Suburban Confidential – Another pseudo-documentary, this time about bored and neglected housewives.
Cat People – Star studded thriller, full of New Orleans atmosphere.
Dr. Jeckyll & Mr. Hyde – This is the 1941 release featuring Spencer Tracy, Ingrid Bergman and Lana Turner. I've seen many versions of this story, and watching performances like these brings out the depth of the characters like no other.
Silence of the Lambs – Best watched with a nice chianti.
Les Chic – Early 70's grindhouse flick, notable for a few reasons. 1. It was shot in San Francisco (surprisingly, that wasn't common), 2. It stars Rene Bond, and 3. Parts of it are positively hardcore porn, which I didn't expect.
Les Chic 2 – This 2002 remake/sequel features some of the original characters, but the story itself is new. The lead is still a 70's style swinger named Chic, but whereas the original had the self-confidence to pull off weird, the new Chic is more the likable loser type. This time, the hardcore scenes are lesbian.
National Treasure – Something about this movie left me unsatisfied. Maybe it was because the bad guy wasn't bad enough or consistent enough (shoot to kill one moment, “let 'em go” the next), or the chemistry between the leads didn't quite click, or that it felt like a whirlwind tour of American History: here is the National Archives, here is the Liberty Bell, here is... Instead of being historically important places (and I'm a history buff), they were reduced to just movie sets. The film was ok, but I wanted more.
The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor – Third in the franchise, and as happens all too often, each sequel falls short of the one before. Not bad, but not great.
Yojimbo – Another Kurisawa classic, this time based on a Dashiel Hammett story. A masterless Samurai encounters a town where two rival factions are poised to do battle. If that sounds familiar, it's because Sergio Argento made practically the same movie starring Clint Eastwood, and A Fistful of Dollars spawned the Spaghetti Western genre.
Renaissance Man – I love this Danny DeVito comedy.

76 movies for the quarter. Lest it seem that I do nothing except park myself in front of the television, I'll admit that often a movie will take me a couple of days to finish because I'll start watching at the end of the day and fall asleep part way through. I also watched maybe another 10 hours of TV total during the quarter, which included the aforementioned holiday movies and a couple of hockey games. So I love my movies, but I'm not much of a television fan.

For the year, I watched a total of 195 movies. Considering my count for this last quarter, it's pretty obvious that my movie viewing falls way off when the weather gets nice. Which is how it should be.

You can find my lists for the first quarter, second quarter, and third quarter by clicking on those links.

Movie Review: Breaking Her Will

A few weeks ago I came home from work and saw a large envelope in the mailbox. Getting those envelopes is almost like Christmas morning for me, because it usually means that some obscure bit of cinema history has arrived.

This time was even better, because inside were two unexpected screeners sent to me by The Grimoire. These deliveries are made possible by you folks, who read these reviews and then leave comments, thus proving to the distributors that Rocket Jones is worth sending screeners to. It's a self-perpetuating cycle, and I love it.

There were two movies in the package. The first was a comedy called Dirtbags, along with a horror flick called Breaking Her Will. Dirtbags was hilariously offensive to just about everyone, but overall I liked Breaking Her Will better.

In fact, I absolutely loved Breaking Her Will. Read on for the sordid details.

Both films were from independent moviemaker Bill Zebub (which is on my list of all-time favorite names). From these two samples, I'd say he takes a concept and doesn't just run with it, he runs with scissors with it. His movies are blind to the boundaries of “normal” decency, and that's where they excel. Whether you're (guiltily) laughing your ass off at Dirtbags, or squirming while watching events unfold in Breaking Her Will, there's no doubt that this guy knows which buttons to push, and he gleefully has his thumb mashed down on those buttons. You know, the ones labeled “uncomfortable”. For more information about Bill Zebub and his movies, check out www.thegrimiore.com or billzebub.com.

The first part of the movie feels like bondage porn, or at least this is what I imagine bondage porn would be like*. One thing is for certain though, this isn't porn, not by a long shot. A young lady hitchhiker is picked up, subdued and taken into the antagonist's basement. There, over the course of days and weeks he keeps her restrained while he psychologically tortures her (and the viewer too, truth be told). It's only when you see him writing in his journal, making notes about what her reactions are to various torments, that you realize he's more than just a sicko toying with her for kicks. He's experimenting. He's practicing.

And that's where the real creep factor comes from. You have to wonder, how many times has he done this? He's pretty good at it. He's not winging it, for he has a plan, and you watch as his methods work to gradually break her defenses down.

When she's finally and completely subservient to him, the story really gets moving. As I jokingly told my wife, "halfway through the bondage porn, plot broke out!" That glib remark doesn't give due credit to the movie though, because suddenly you recognize all the subtle foreshadowing that was presented early on. She wasn't a test subject, she was a dress rehearsal.

The ending hits you like a punch in the gut, and after the ending credits rolled, I just sat there for a few minutes, mulling over what I'd just watched.

The acting is outstanding. Jackie Stevens gives an incredible performance as the kidnapped victim. You'd think that when your role is to be tied up and blindfolded for much of the movie, that there's not much to do, and you'd be wrong. She plays it to the hilt, and the authenticity of her reactions really stand out.

Brian Gleitz is superb as the kidnapper. He's scary in a likable way, reminding me of the guy the neighbors always describe as “polite and friendly” on the evening news.

Details, details... the movie runs about 1:35, which is surprisingly lengthy compared to a typical indie horror flick. From the end credits we learn that the movie was written, directed, produced, edited, and shot by Bill Zebub. Mostly brilliantly too, I'd add. This movie looks great and the story flows right along.

Bill Zebub is a death metal fan, and his soundtracks reflect that. Good stuff by groups I'd never have experienced otherwise - on the Dirtbags disk he gives complete score information and song snippets as a main menu selection. A slight nitpick is that the sound goes from mute to fairly loud in one click of the remote. No doubt it's because his mixer board goes to 11.

Disk-wise, the main menu offers a sneak peak at another Bill Z flick, and “play movie”. Chapters would have been nice, but since this is a low-budget indie movie that's a small gripe.

To sum up, I'm torn about Breaking Her Will. I would wholeheartedly recommend it to everyone who loves horror (or bondage porn I suppose) because this is an excellent movie, but I really can't think of anyone I know who would like it. Obviously, I need more unconventional friends.

According to the websites, Bill Zebub movies are available at Blockbuster and Netflix. What the hell, rent one and make up your own mind. It's not like your opinion of my taste in movies can get any lower, eh?

* Ok, I admit it, I've seen actual bondage porn and I found that if you're not into really into bondage it's boring as hell. The exciting part to a bondage fan isn't sex or even nudity, it's the ropes. So tie someone up in an interesting way – bonus points for gag and blindfold – and watch them lay on the floor and struggle against their bonds for twenty minutes, and you've got a happy bondage porn audience. Please wake the rest of us up when it's over.**

** Notice how many times I used the phrase "bondage porn?" Like chum to a (Google) shark.***

*** And since you've read this far, how about leaving a comment?

Still Dead

But what the hell, enjoy these.

Let's Make Another List!

1. Rocket Jones has gotten stale and lame.
2. It's been that way for quite a while now.
3. I can't bring myself to bury it completely.
4. Let's call it "temporarily dead", AKA a zomblog.
5. I'll see you around, sometime. Maybe.

Let's Make A List!

Woke up and...

1. Cleaned my den
2. Cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher
3. Did four loads of laundry
4. Cleaned the bunny cages
5. Wrapped and put away meat from last night's grocery trip
6. Cleaned out my part of the bedroom closet - bag of "donate", bag of "attic"
7. Vacuumed top floor after Liz gave the dog a badly needed haircut

I think I'm done for the day.

Miracles of Modern Chemistry

Guys, if you're sexually frustrated and you just can't get past your Catholic upbringing to be your own best friend, I'd suggest that you take a Viagra, and then take a roofie 10 minutes later.

Have fun, and I don't want to hear about it.

* Do I *really* need to post a disclaimer? Ok, don't really do this. I'm kidding. Really.

It Was Dark In There Too!

Tradition!

Since Liz is out of the house for the day, tradition insists that I make French Onion Soup (which she can't stand). Tradition also insists that after adding the 1/2 cup of red wine to the soup, that I drink the rest straight from the bottle.

Feeling very very good right now.

Putzing Around The House

Look, another weekend post! Yay!

Like the title says, this weekend I've been putzing around the house. Putzing includes painting the living room, which I hate and have been putting off for quite a while. But it needed doing.

It's chilly this morning and the house is completely opened up, every window wide open. Feels good. It's supposed to be clear and beautiful too, so in between painting and laundry I hope to find time to set up my new tent (in the backyard this time) and seam seal it.

That's the plan anyway. Calm, peaceful, but busy in a good way.

What I Watched - 3rd Qtr 2009

To prove that the pattern is long running, here are links to my lists from the first quarter and the second quarter.

Without further ado, here's what I watched in July, August and September:

Big Trouble in Little China - one of my all-time favorites
Eddie and the Cruisers - yep, I sometimes go to the dark side
Tobacco Roody - classic hicksploitation
Curse of the Werewolf - Hammer studios and Oliver Reed, one of the best
Phantom of the Opera - 1962 version, pretty good
Paranoiac - Odd and creepy
Southern Comforts - more hicksploitation
C.H.U.D. - classic and much better than it's reputation
The Bird with the Crystal Plumage - Dario Argento giallo
Wife to be Sacrificed - Japanese erotica, very stylized, very twisted
American Pie - did for pastry chefs what Brokeback Mountain did for cowboys
The Gore Gore Girls - a serial killer is stalking strippers in this Herschell Gordon Lewis classic
What Have You Done to Solange? - giallo, moody and atmospheric
Shutter - Thai horror film
Sansho the Bailiff - classic Japanese cinema, an unforgettable ending
A Lizard in Woman's Skin - yet more classic Italian giallo
Blood Sisters of Lesbian Sin - waste of a great title
Kitten in a Cage - pretty damn crappy
The Girl From Pussycat - ditto
Beavis and Butthead Do America - I tried, but I really don't like these guys. Never have.
The Notorious Betty Page - biography of the famous pin-up queen.
The Inconfessable Orgies of Emmanuelle - another entry in the franchise, another waste of a good title
Killing Machine - Japanese. Odd.
Silent Hill - incredibly atmospheric, but in the end it was a mile wide and a half inch deep. Disappointing.
Exorcism - Jess Franco offering, where he plays a demented priest
Cemetery Gates - kids and a Tasmanian Devil, kinda like a cartoon with way more blood and gore
Babes in the Woods - hey, I reviewed this!
Zodiac - story revolving around the serial killer. This happened while I was growing up in the Bay Area.
Beowolf - eh
Crazy Lips - Japanese. Odd. I need to get a stamp made.
Doctor of Doom - Mexican Wrestling Women come to save the day!
The Wrestling Women vs. the Aztec Mummy - ditto
Monique, My Love - slightly sleazy exploitation from the late 60's
Babette - ditto

Well, admitting all that probably cost me my last few readers.

Filling A Gaping Hole In My Movie Viewing

Can you believe that until this morning I had never watched Two Thousand Maniacs? I have now.

Everyone talks about the guy being pulled apart by four horses, but I found the barrel roll to be much more creative and entertaining (if I may use that word).

Getting A Head Start On That Weekend Posting Stuff

Some lowlife actually stole my wife's cane.

You may or may not know that Liz is disabled. She uses a cane to hobble around and outside the house mostly uses a wheelchair or scooter. So she's at a fast food place in the mall, and she left her cane leaning against the counter by the soda machine. When she realized it, she scootered back and it was gone. Not turned in to the counter people, not at the mall lost and found, it was just freaking gone.

Words fail me.

Well, words longer than four letters anyway.

The Great White Glass Parking Lot of the North

William Shatner.

Celine Dion.

Does the awesomness that is Bill balance counteract the hideous screeching of the shrew? Or does her angelic voice more than make up for his condensed ham? What do you think? Why haven't we nuked Canada?

Sunday. Early. Ick.

So yesterday my wife and I went out to the fabric store and bought a whole bunch of doo-dads that I needed for some upcoming projects (remember, I will be learning to sew*).

We hit this weird sale where you can use multiple coupons, and we have an entire sheet of them from the newspaper. Wound up saving 40% here, 40% there. In fact, there was only thing we couldn't use a coupon on, and the checkout lady forgot to re-scan a spool of thread which made up for it.**

Got home, and I was very excited. Liz showed me how to do bobbins, then we loaded the thread and watched her uber-expensive machine eat itself dead. Damn. It'll be going into the shop, I'm guessing this is going to be a three-four week delay.

On the bright side, Liz isn't blaming me. I wasn't even touching the machine when it broke. Small favors, I tell ya.
---

* I am learning to sew for a very manly reason. I'd tell you, but I'm afraid hair might spontaneously sprout on your chest.

** Checkout lady. Very nice. Barely competent. Had to re-scan the entire order after hitting the wrong button at the end of the first try. The total was lower the second time through and I mentioned it, so my conscience is clear.

Meanwhile, Back at the Ranch Dressing

The title is pointless, other than vaguely resembling one of the puzzle categories on Wheel. Of. Fortune.

Over on Facebook, I laughed at the ineptitude of the Washington Redskins football team, who have a realistic chance of losing to the Detroit Lions, who have lost something like 28 in a row. And my nephew piped up and called me a hater. Sorry James, but that was pity. And to help you know the difference here is a small sample of my potential hate.

Q: Who do you root for when the Redskins play the Cowboys?

A: A sniper in the stands.

Which was my go-to football joke until those assholes Malvo and Muhammed fucked that up.

I don't care to check to see if "Muhammed" is spelled correctly. Read it phonetically.

I hate fish, which is relevent only in that I am now taking Fish Oil capsules, which are full of healthy Omega 3's. If I burp fish, I may lose everything. Film at 11.

Our next door neighbor had her babies yesterday. Yep, twins. A boy and a girl. Everyone is fine. If you'd like to leave your congrats in the comments, I'll pass them along. That oughta creep 'em out, eh?

This weekend, I learn to use a sewing machine. I feel special because my wife has an uber-expensive setup that she uses expertly, and the fact that she trusts me enough to touch it - even while closely supervised - tells me that she truly loves me.

More later, I've got a honey-do list a mile long, and it's only half done.

Handy Parenting Tip

If you can't get your kids to eat fruit, offer up dried apples, which are pale and have that spongy, chewy texture. Tell 'em it's human flesh, and zombies adore it.

It worked for my kids.

Quote of the Whenever I Feel Like It

"I'm so afraid of the swine flu that I won't even watch The View." -- Larry the Cable Guy

Posting on Weekends

I'm part of a trend. I too now post on weekends. Rebel, I am.

I've grown bored with the internet. Facebook, blogging, etc. Never did get excited about Twitter. All pretty much *yawn* lately.

I've pared down the blogroll. Removed some folks who no longer post, some folks that I haven't visited in a *long* time (don't take it personally, it's me, not you), and the NSFW links that may or may not have given my PC the virus (bastards).

Read the movie review below (conveniently linked here for my own selfish reasons). If you don't comment there, then movie distributors will quit sending me free movies to review (selfish, selfish, selfish). Do it for me (ibid).

It's pretty obvious that this is all about me, innit.

Movie Review: Babes in the Woods

Wow. This one brings back memories. Memories when nudity was fresh and innocent, even at its most naughty (and I use 'naughty' in the old sense, before it became synonymous with 'sleazy').

Babes in the Woods is by no means a classic, but it is so very typical of early 60's nudie cinema that instead of standing out, it represents the genre wonderfully. It's full of sweetness and situations that serve as nothing more than an excuse for the ladies to disrobe, after which they display themselves in various poses to good effect. It's a transition film, between the nudist camp "documentaries" that came before and the later, seamier "roughies".

Let's get the technical stuff out of the way. Babes in the Woods was shot in black and white, and was lost for forty years before Independent International Films rediscovered and restored it. As you'd expect from a film this old, you aren't getting a pristine transfer, but despite the minor scratch lines and jumps the copy is in great shape. Especially considering how cheaply the originals of this type were made and distributed. There was a brief stretch in the middle of the film where the sound/picture synchronization was off.

IIF didn't spend big money on packaging either. There are no extras on the disk. The main DVD menu offers two choices: play the movie (no chapter selection) or look at a few other titles that IIF offers (I do not consider previews like this to be extras). The menu scrolls off the bottom of the TV screen too, but there's (just barely) enough to tell which selection is which. Disappointing and frustrating, a little care towards this would have gone a long way towards making me believe that IIF actually cared about resurrecting a lost movie and was not just looking at the bottom line.

Ok, back to the babes. The storyline is better than you'd expect (yes, there is a story to it), but expect odd little touches and flourishes throughout, and some of them are laugh-out-loud funny. For instance, one of the girls falls into a puddle. She uses the outhouse around back to clean up, which inside is a fully furnished modern bath. I won't mention the physics involved of the inside being bigger than the outside, because I was distracted by the lovely young lady taking a long luxurious bubble bath. Indoor plumbing is overrated.

The nature photography is beautiful, and sometimes you get inspired scenes such as three naked women washing their clothes in the creek at the base of a beautiful waterfall.

The acting is over the top and exaggerated, this is burlesque, not Broadway. The character of Mrs. Figby, played by Pat Bolin, absolutely steals the show, although the narrator comes in a close second. The narration reminds me of those old nature documentaries we watched as kids, where you'd hear dialog like:

Mr. Beaver has a busy morning planned. He's measuring that tree, it'll be a perfect fit for his new dam.

Oh look, Mrs. Fox has brought her children out to play. She's keeping a close watch on Mr. Beaver because she doesn't trust his building skills.

But Mrs. Fox isn't the only one watching. After a long night awake, Mr. Owl is wondering whether he'll get any sleep at all with all the commotion down below.

Also making a very revealing appearance is Vicki Miles, aka Allison Downe, who made quite a few genre movies and also did a fair amount of directing, make up and screenwriting. Her name is associated with many cult classics of the time. She's also very easy to look at.

As are all the ladies, which is the point. Babes in the Woods is a return to a simpler time, when seeing pretty boobs was enough, and innuendo (what little there was) was played for laughs and not lust. It's all about the attitude, and Babes in the Woods is much closer to sweet and gentle Mayberry than it is to the big, bad city.

I really enjoyed Babes in the Woods, much more than I thought I would. Thanks IIF, for the memories.

Thanks For Dropping By

I know, Rocket Jones is damn near pining for the fjords. But hey, since you made the trip, enjoy this video. Funniest damn thing I've seen in a long time.



And remember Moms and Dads, if you paid for your kid to get a degree in Journalism, this is the kind of stoopid you can look forward to.

2996

Please follow this link, a tribute to William Wilson, who died on 9/11.

Final Fireworks of the Season

Monday afternoon will be the final game of the season for our Potomac Nationals. They missed the playoffs this year, despite having the best record in the league (I'm pretty sure, need to check that). The league plays a split schedule, and the P-Nats came in second both times to teams who had one hot half, in fact, the first place team from the first half wound up dead last in the second half. So, 21 games above .500 wasn't enough.

Observations: The Washington Nationals farm system is rich in catchers and shortstops. Our catcher from the start of the season was promoted to AA and then AAA quickly, and our backup catcher went to AA soon after. The third string catcher has played well enough to keep the kid in low-A right where he's at, even though he's leading his league in every offensive category.

Same story at short. There is one, maybe two players in AAA and AA who might make the roster for the big club, if there were room for them.

We sat next to a family from England at tonight's game. Incredibly polite kids, and they knew enough about what was going on to appreciate the game.

I think that the manager, Trent Jewett, will probably return. His team was, after all, 20+ games over .500. From what I hear, the players don't like playing for him. From what I see, the team isn't busting butt for him either. It's typical of the Washington Nationals' thinking that you'd bring in someone who spent 20 years in the Pittsburgh Pirates organization and expect them to instill a winning atmosphere.

Florida Trail Advisory

I Am A Fortunate Man

Just returned from an excellent weekend away. The plan was to go down to Virginia Beach yesterday for a housewarming party for our daughter Robyn. Plus, we'd get to see younger daughter Rachael and granddaughter Lorelei. Good times.

What happened was that a conspiracy was afoot to throw me a surprise birthday party (I'm turning 50). I was completely unaware, for a couple of reasons. 1. My birthday isn't for better than a week, and 2. I really don't care about my birthdays.

So we get to Virginia Beach, and Liz and I left to do some shopping. When we got back to the house, I walked right past the balloons and banners and ribbons without even noticing. I'm a jerk like that.

But they brought me back out and hollered surprise and I was, really and truly, and then came the gift giving.

I got an Amazon Kindle, a leather case for it, and a heap o' gift card bucks to load that thing with reading material. Sweet!!!

For the birthday/housewarming dinner, we had steak and steamed shrimp, and it was good, and I felt loved. And stuffed.

Ted Kennedy

Ted Kennedy became a passionate advocate for government provided health care when he realized that it would be more efficient than drowning people one at a time.

Just Busy

Still around, just in the middle of things.