Friday, August 22, 2008

Bloodthirsty Little Bastards

I've had many pets over the years. Dogs, cats, birds, hamsters, lizards, you name it. Had a roommate once with a pet tarantula. But of all the critters I've shared accomodations with, none have been so ferociously vicious as rabbits.

Done laughing?

Rabbits are Lagomorphs, but we call them cutesy names like "bunnies" to conceal their true nature, that of fanged bloodlusting devils. They pretend to be meek and mild, but put two of them together and look out, you're liable to have blood splattered walls in short order.

We have three house rabbits. Fred and Java are a bonded pair, and Ozzie is an unattached buck. We tried several times to bond Oz, but in each case beligerence soon won out over romance, and bunnies hold a grudge!

Pet a bunny and they feel so soft and cuddly, but if you look and feel carefully, you'll find scars from old battles, and ragged flesh along the edges of ears, where chunks were torn free. Faces get bitten, as do asses, and they have razor sharp teeth and aren't afraid to use them.

For all that, I love my bunnies. I've been bitten once, lightly breaking the skin, while breaking up a fight. Ozzie has let me feel his teeth a couple of times, letting me know that he could've bitten me if he'd wanted. Both times, I reminded him about manners by flicking him firmly on the nose. He got the message, and headed for under the bed, where he could plot my eventual doom.

Mostly though, we get snuggles and cuddles and love from them. But I'm wary, because that "vorpal bunny" joke from Monty Python's Grail? It wasn't far from the actual truth.


Anonymous said...

I spotted a vorpal bunny in the backyard just the other day. Seriously. This was a huge, menacing, light brown "bunny." He glanced at me as he passed on the way into a hedge. Looked like he should be swinging Medieval weapon, perhaps a flanged mace.

Suzette said...

Bunnies are not the only ones that can hold a grudge.

A lagomorph chewed a chunk out of my vintage copy of Peg Bracken's I Hate To CookBook. Now I will never be able to appear at a potluck carrying "Aunt Bebe's Bean Bowl with Festive Onions".

How am I supposed to get over that?

Erica said...

I've never had anything but pleasant experiences with bunnies, but as an avid subscriber to Disapproving Rabbits, I feel that I am thoroughly armed should I need to give a bunny that gets outta line with me a warm & fuzzy little smackdown.

Anonymous said...

E -- Disapproving Rabbits is cool. Thanks for the pointer.

Ted said...

Dogette, I never go out back without Tim.

Suzette, the only revenge I can think of is by perfecting your recipe of "Aunt Bebe's Bunny Bowl with Festive Onions". Serve in a hollowed out rabbit skull.

Erica, if you get a chance, check out the Disapproving Rabbits book. Liz got it for Christmas last year, and it's sickeningly cute and pretty funny.

Erica said...

Will do! Meantime, I've been LOL-ing for years over "bad cat." A great read. Right up there with "Of Human Bondage" and "The Grapes of Wrath."