Thursday, December 23, 2010


Tuesday, December 21, 2010


Monday, December 20, 2010

Yule, Yadda Yadda - 3

At least they're already right next to the fire.

For the girl who has everything (else)...

The Easter Bunny's Family Christmas Card.

We all know someone like this.

The End.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

A Week of Yuletide Irreverence - 2

Or maybe it's "irrelevance." Or C, all of the above.


Humiliating your kids is the best part of parenting. Solving a problem is just a bonus.

There's a message here, but I'm not sure if it matters that I understand it.

It's a rainhat, right?

For the professional offense-takers in the world...

Saturday, December 18, 2010

A Week of Yuletide Irreverence - 1

Or maybe it's "irrelevance." Or C, all of the above.

I'm not a tattoo kinda guy, but if I were...

Sunday, December 12, 2010


I can't look at my Amazon Wish List this time of year because I may figure out what I'm getting from the family. That's no fun.

Friday, December 10, 2010


I'm surprised more folks don't keep hogs for pets. Hogs are just dogs wrapped in bacon. -- Spokes (fellow member of a backpacking forum)

Tuesday, December 07, 2010

What Kind of God Would Allow This to Happen?

Otamatone. A new and horrifying musical instrument from Japan. The post title comes from one of the YouTube comments.

Via Ace.

Oh, about fifty bucks.

Sunday, December 05, 2010


Ah, troubled youth.

I met her on 4chan, but alas, it was not meant to be.

Now you know.

I don't have an iPhone, so this amuses me. In fact, my cell phone is almost 4 years old and I won't upgrade because it does almost everything I want, i.e. makes and receives calls and holds a battery charge. The only option I could do without is the one where it takes multiple pictures of the inside of my pocket. I have dozens of those. I should post my favorites here, you'd like that, eh?

Kinda sums this all up, don't it?

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

No Sniveling

Well, maybe a little. I spent a long morning in the chair at the oral surgeon, and am now waiting for the next blessed wave of Vicodin to kick in.

Good Advice

A DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher says, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there," as he points out the location.

The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand? "

The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.

A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull.

With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified. The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs.....

" Your badge. Show him your BADGE !"

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Holiday Fun for the Young'uns

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Stuff That Made Me Smile

I laughed long and loud at this one. Oh yes I did.

I really don't care if you don't eat meat. But how many times have you run across some self-righteous vegetarian liberal who proceeds to bash religious people for being self-righteous and delusional?

Celebrity rehab has been a Hollywood problem far longer than most people realize.

WWJD = Who Would Jesus Deny.

Barbie works hard to stay on top of the Doll heap.

Movie Monster in Bondage. Somehow, it seems so right for Rocket Jones

Saturday, November 13, 2010


Thursday, November 11, 2010

What's Been Happening

Heaps, mon! Heaps o' heaps!

At work, I finished up my annual and perennially chaotic end-of-fiscal-year project and immediately got slammed with an even bigger and shorter-deadlined project.

Wife Liz has had a couple of surgeries lately. Pure success, but some lingering complications from the last one are being watched closely by all concerned.

Son TJ is still employed and living in the area. These days, you count your blessings.

Granddaughter Lorelei turned two. I taught her to eskimo kiss.

Daughter Robyn is a great mom and a helluva cook. She frequently uses the old Rocket Jones recipe archive.

Son-in-law Henry got his new orders (Navy guy). They'll be staying in the Virginia Beach area as he transfers to an F-18 squadron attached to the aircraft carrier George H.W. Bush.

Daughter Rachael has been promoted again at WalMart. Six months ago she started as a part-timer, now she's over all the department managers for clothing, jewelry, shoes and accessories.

There, now you're all caught up.

Sunday, October 31, 2010


If someone complains about the (very) little artistic nudity in the following, tell them to go look at the national debt numbers to see something really scary.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

A Visual Response to LeeAnn

To her frightening laundromat story. File under either "It could be worse" or "Dark Fantasy".

Yeah, There's an App for That

"App" meaning "appliance", 'natch.

Well, *un*-naturally may be more correct. For all the delicate flowers who are reading this, please stop now. I don't need any more complaints about how Rocket Jones corrupted your mind. You should be thanking me.

Follow this link to see eleven dildos (dildoes? How does one pluralize that? If any of you ladies know, please email me privately, I want to hear all about it.) Um, back on point... yeah, eleven artificial appendages from critters you may fantasize about, ranging from the mundane - as if that word even applies - to the mythical. Wolf? Check. Dolphin? Gotcha covered. Dragon? Twice (huh? A dragon tongue is the other one.)

All that, plus more, are available from Bad Dragon.

You're welcome.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Happy Dance Time

On the rare occasions where I talk about baseball here on Rocket Jones, it's almost always about the Potomac Nationals, our local minor league team (and this year's Carolina League champs, yay!)

But right now, I'm grinning like an idiot and I admit I squealed like a little girl when the San Francisco Giants won their game tonight to take the NL pennant.

World Series: Texas Rangers vs. San Fransisco Giants. Woot!


Saturday, October 16, 2010

No Point to This, But I Make Up for it By Randomly Capitalizing the Title

So two days ago we got big rain, which moved on through and then turned into the Nor'easter which is currently kicking ass up New England way.

Today is windy as hell, from being on the tail end side of the Nor'easter. Beautiful and sunny, but windy.

Today was also "bulk pickup day", which happens in the Spring and Fall. Pretty much anything you can drag to the curb gets picked up and hauled off, saving trips to the dump. I took the opportunity to get rid of a lot of crap in the backyard and basement, including unbelievable numbers of flower pots that had accumulated over the years.

My yard looks much better and uncluttered.

Since I was doing the cleanup this morning, I couldn't go hiking. I'll go tomorrow.

Just for fun I took my backpack out back with me. After hauling the last of the rubbish to the curb, I set up my hiker kitchen and started a pot of water to boil. While that was heating up I finished raking the leaves.

When it was ready I made oatmeal and a big cup of tea, and enjoyed them out in my newly clean backyard. Very relaxing, and I've pretty much done everything I *need* to do today, before noon.

Sure is windy.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

The Lunatic is On the Grass

Friday, October 08, 2010

Not Even Remotely Related to Each Other, but I Do Mention Breakfast, So I Guess It Ties Into What I Said in the Last Post

Factoid heard on the radio this morning: This year, October has 5 Fridays, 5 Saturdays and 5 Sundays. That won't happen again for 863 years.

I've discovered Nutella. Nice change from peanut butter once in a while. I ate some on a piece of whole grain bread for breakfast.

I know, right?

Monday, October 04, 2010

Laid Low By Grevious Designs

I'm recovering from a nasty case of food poisoning. Self-administered. Two things kept this completely localized to just myself - first, I was alone in the house this weekend, and second, even if I weren't, nobody else here likes French Onion Soup.

Oh yes, the homemade soup is definitely the culprit. More specifically, the beef base I used to make the stock. I have been thoroughly mocked and ridiculed for my stupidity, which in Obama-speak, was mock-worthy and ridicule-ready.

Still, it was a magnificently tasty batch of soup. I hated to throw the rest of it out when I realized what I had done to myself. A few ideas did cross my mind, but I don't know if anyone on my "short list" likes onion soup. I shall make enquiries. For future reference.

Saturday, October 02, 2010

Hi Sheri!

This pretty much sums up my feelings towards the internet lately.


If for some unholy reason I had to get a Hello Kitty tattoo, this would be it.

More Hello Kitty...

Hello Kitty with fingernails!

Rocket Jones has become a mere shadow of its former self. At this point, I keep it on life support only to annoy those corporate assclowns who stole my name several years ago (and no link for them).

Monday, September 27, 2010

Reveling in my Continuity

Shark to shark, nails to nails. Sounds like a passage from a Goth Bible.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Satan's Own Simian

Which has nothing to do with this picture. Like I ever worried about continuity.

Speaking of which, I do know that the baboon is not technically a simian. Because while I couldn't care less about continuity, I do like to be accurate. But "Satan's Own Baboon" or "Lucifer's Own Old-World Monkey" just didn't make the cut.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Nobody Will Play With Me